If you're not the type to fall in love at first sight, you may be demiromantic. 

Demiromantics are individuals who need to build meaningful, emotional connections before getting romantic. Their relationships are a slow burn instead of an instant spark, and spontaneous romantic desire is nowhere in sight. 

Let’s dive into the intricacies of the heart and unravel what demiromantic means and what it doesn’t.

Demiromanticism explained  

According to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), "demiromantic" is a type of gray-romantic orientation, meaning that these individuals only experience romantic attraction to others in specific scenarios. On the aromantic spectrum, this term falls somewhere between aromanticism (not experiencing romantic interest) and alloromanticism (experiencing romantic attraction).   

The word demiromantic comes from the prefix "demi," which stems from the medieval Latin term “dimedius,” meaning "partly.” Demiromantics are only "partly" romantic. 

For someone who’s demiromantic, a whirlwind romance doesn't make sense because they need emotional connection first. This can take the form of any close relationship, including friendship. Demiromantics must get to know someone on a deeper level before they experience any romantic attraction at all.  

Demiromantic versus demisexual   

Demiromantic and demisexual individuals both experience strong emotional bonds with others, but to different ends. 

Demiromantic 

Demiromantic people lack primary romantic connection, which is the desire to be close with someone and have a strong emotional connection. This is different from primary sexual attraction, which is the immediate sexual spark you might have with someone based on how they look, sound, or smell. If you're demiromantic, you may experience sexual attraction to others regularly without the romantic component.  

Here's more about it:  

• Nature of attraction: Demiromanticism is all about the feels, but slow and steady wins the race. Demiromantics aren't about love at first sight, favoring time, deep conversations, and genuine connection instead.

• Type of attraction: Heart-fluttering romantic attraction worthy of a rom-com is possible for demiromantics, but only after forming a deep emotional bond. Many demiromantics experience typical sexual attraction without intense romantic feelings. 

• Relationship dynamics: Picture this — your bestie turns out to be your soulmate, but you only realize after years of building deep trust and sharing all your secrets. For demiromantics, deep-rooted friendships often blossom into romantic relationships. Sexual relationships, on the other hand, may not require such a slow burn.  

Demisexual 

Being demisexual is like needing the right emotional key to become sexually attracted to someone. Because demisexual people lack primary sexual attraction, they need deep emotional bonding to desire sexual activity with another person.  

Here's how it works:  

• Nature of attraction: For demisexuals, sexual attraction isn't about looks or surface-level charm. People with this orientation require a deep emotional connection with someone before they will feel any sexual attraction to them. Unlike demiromantics, they may feel a primary romantic attraction to people they’ve just met and a desire to have a romantic connection with them, but this excludes initial sexual attraction. It’s also important to note that this type of attraction isn't a moral choice, prudishness, or the result of having a low sex drive.

• Type of attraction: Physical attraction is on standby until a strong emotional bond forms. Once a demisexual person creates a meaningful bond, they can feel sexual attraction as intensely as people of other sexual orientations. It's important to note that a strong emotional bond isn't always the same as being in love with another person.

• Relationship dynamics: For many demisexuals, relationships usually start platonically without fireworks. Once they form that deep emotional connection, a friend or acquaintance who was once strictly platonic can become a sexual partner.  

Am I demiromantic?  

Unfortunately, there's no checklist for determining if you're demiromantic (or demisexual). Demiromanticism is feeling romantic attraction in a specific way, and it's not always straightforward. Romantic orientation and sexuality also change over time for some people, so what feels like an accurate description today may not feel accurate next week or next year, and that's normal. 

Only you can determine your orientation. If you're questioning your orientation, look out for these demiromanticism signs:  

Romance develops gradually  

Sexual attraction happens quickly, while romantic attraction happens slowly over time. Your romantic relationships have never come from immediate sparks, and if you experience sexual attraction, you may prefer friends-with-benefits situations instead of casual hook-ups.  

Emotional connection is necessary  

You don’t see a deep emotional bond as something that’s just nice to have — you require it. You may feel drawn to having a profound emotional closeness with someone before anything romantic happens, and less interested in pursuing someone out of excitement or sexual attraction. That said, with demiromanticism, you don’t need this emotional connection to enjoy non-romantic sexual relationships.  

Romantic feelings tie into emotional intimacy  

If the idea of having a crush on someone you just met seems alien to you, it could be a sign of demiromanticism. For you, romantic feelings are exclusively born out of strong emotional connections, and you don't consider romance in other contexts.  

Friendships often precede romance 

If you're demiromantic, your romantic relationships often start as friendships. You commonly develop romantic feelings only after you’ve built a solid foundation of understanding, trust, and connection with a friend. Without this base, you won’t develop romantic feelings.  

There's a separation of sexual and romantic attraction  

You might experience sexual attraction, but it doesn't necessarily lead to romantic feelings. For you, romantic attraction is a separate process that develops out of emotional closeness rather than an automatic extension of sexual attraction. You may be able to have and enjoy casual sex but not casual dating.  

Relating to “friends-to-lovers” narratives

You might be demiromantic if you’re especially drawn to stories where friends slowly fall in love. These stories could resonate extra deeply with you because your own relationships often transition from platonic to romantic situations.   

Demi-, gray-, and a-: What's the difference? 

There are many different romantic and sexual orientations. For example, you may have heard of terms like asexual, grayromantic, and aromantic before. These distinctions help us navigate the spectrum of human attraction. They’re also different from sexual orientations like queer and pansexual, which typically describe sexual and romantic attractions to the same or all genders.  

Let's break down the others:  

Aromantic and asexual

Asexuality (being "Ace") is experiencing little to no sexual attraction to others. While people who identify as Ace don't necessarily lack romantic feelings, their experience of sexual desire is significantly different from society's norm. Asexuality is a spectrum, and many Aces use terms like "hetero-romantic," "panromantic," and "bi-romantic" to identify who they're romantically attracted to. 

As for aromantic people, they experience little to no romantic attraction. People with this orientation typically don't enter romantic relationships or develop romantic feelings, but they may have sexual attraction to others and engage in sexual activities and relationships. 

Grayromantic and graysexual

Graysexual people experience very limited or low-intensity sexual attraction, though not quite as reduced as asexual people. They can feel romantic attraction and enjoy being in relationships, but the sexual attraction isn’t profoundly tied to those romantic feelings. 

Grayromantic individuals fall somewhere between romantic and aromantic. Some grayromantics experience romantic attraction, but it's rare or lacks intensity. Unlike demiromantics, grayromantics don't necessarily need a strong emotional bond to feel romantic interest.  

Demiromantic dating tips  

Exploring the dating scene as a demiromantic or someone pursuing a demiromantic might be different from standard dating but it’s very rewarding. It's not your typical whirlwind romance, but creating a deep, meaningful bond is worth the effort, even if you’re using dating apps.  

Here are some tips for navigating demiromantic dating life:  

Talk it out  

Communication is your BFF in any relationship, but it's non-negotiable when you're demiromantic. Keep it real with your partner when you discuss your feelings, what you want and need, and how you see things going. Work toward understanding each other, so you're on the same page. 

Focus on friendship first 

Demiromantics catch feelings after forming deep bonds. This means you should build a solid friendship before getting into anything romantic. Hang out, find out what you have in common, and have some deep, late-night talks. This lays the groundwork for sparks to fly.  

Take your time  

In demiromantic dating, patience is more than just a virtue. Because romance might take its sweet time to bloom for people with this relationship orientation, there's no need to rush. Let things flow naturally, and enjoy the journey without obsessing over the destination.  

Boundaries are everything  

Healthy boundaries are any demiromantics’ love language. Not every close friendship turns into a romance straight out of a movie, and that's okay. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If it doesn't, you have a new friend.  

Support each other  

Support and understanding go a long way. If you're dating as a demiromantic or have a partner of this orientation, understand that both your experiences are unique. Strive to make sure you both feel seen, heard, and appreciated, and your connection will grow stronger.  

Find what feels good with Quinn  

Whether you're demiromantic, demisexual, or another relationship or sexual orientation, the Quinn platform provides a safe space for celebrating and exploring your unique preferences. 

Created by women for everyone, Quinn's ethical audio erotica can help you explore the complexities of attraction and connection. To access thousands of narrated sex stories, playlists, and guided masturbation sessions from a diverse range of Creators, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android today.