Cheating. Betrayal. Lies. 

There are many reasons why you might not trust your partner as much as you want to. Even if they didn't hurt you, it can be hard to let your guard down. You might default to thinking “They haven’t hurt me — yet.” 

These feelings of mistrust manifest in different ways, from jealousy to skepticism. But when trust takes a backseat, whether it's due to persistent fears or past negative experiences, it's hard to have a healthy relationship. 

As difficult as it might feel, overcoming trust issues will strengthen your relationship and can relieve a lot of stress for both you and your partner. Let’s look at where these issues step from and how you can take the steps to overcome them. 

What are trust issues?

Trust issues occur when someone feels insecure, skeptical of, or uncertain about another person's actions or intentions. These issues take different forms and happen in various dynamics, from long-distance relationships to friendships. They might lead to strained interactions or cause misunderstandings due to assumptions or a lack of honesty. 

There are a few different types of trust issues: 

• Pistanthrophobia: This phobia of trusting others applies mainly to romantic relationships. The fear is irrational, excessive, and persistent, even without real threats.

• Jealousy: This type of trust issue applies primarily to romantic couples, since jealous partners are easily threatened and often act in controlling and possessive ways. But jealousy in friendships can also lead to resentment or tension. Criticism: Sometimes, people hyperfocus on what's wrong with their partner, friend, or colleague with overly critical comments or questions.

• Grass is greener: This type of trust issue manifests when someone doesn't trust themselves to pick a good partner, resulting in a "grass is greener" mentality that makes it hard to be secure in a relationship.

What causes trust issues?

Learning how to work on trust issues begins with understanding what causes them. If you wonder, "Why do I have trust issues?" It's important to know that these problems are often rooted in deeply personal or traumatic experiences that leave lasting impressions. 

Here are a few potential triggers for trust issues:

Infidelity

Being betrayed is a devastating blow to trust in a relationship. The feelings of anxiety, anger, and deception can leave scars, making it challenging to rebuild trust — with that person or others. Overcoming the pain of cheating requires time, patience, and an honest commitment to forgive and rebuild trust.

Childhood experiences

Early life is like a sketchpad, with formative experiences leaving lasting impressions on the following pages, for better or worse. When a child experiences neglect, insecurity, or consistent disappointment, it can cause long-lasting trust issues, suspicion, and low self-esteem, which then need healing. 

Trauma

Traumatic events can create a profound fear and distrust of other people. And trauma can change how a person perceives safety and create barriers to forming close and trusting relationships. Working through trauma with the support of an experienced counselor can be instrumental in overcoming trust issues. 

Social rejection

Enduring social rejection or bullying can cause some people to engage in self-protective measures, including not trusting others. Addressing and healing from these past experiences, perhaps with the help of an individual, couples', or family therapist, can help break down those walls. 

Parental divorce

Witnessing divorce, which sometimes results from a breakdown of trust, can be a formative experience. The resulting fear and skepticism can negatively impact personal relationships, creating an inclination toward mistrust. Exploring the impact of parental divorce can help forge stronger trust in relationships.

Mental health conditions

Conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, schizophrenia, delusions, and depression are linked to trust issues. Someone with schizophrenia-related paranoia may constantly doubt others' intentions, while someone with PTSD may perceive threats in safe situations. Addressing mental health issues can help alleviate and improve trust issues. 

10 signs of trust issues

When it comes to trust issues, symptoms vary, and recognizing the signs is the first step to disarming them. Here's a breakdown of common indicators that trust issues may be present in your relationships:

1. You avoid commitment: The idea of committing to someone, even someone you love intensely, feels terrifying. You might avoid emotional intimacy and dodge serious conversations about the future or refuse to label things. 

2. You expect the worst: You expect your loved ones to behave badly, and it's easier to anticipate failure than success. Your mind may automatically jump to the worst-case scenarios, even if you want to think positively.

3. You assume your partner's trying to hurt you: Even in the face of green flags, you still think your partner is acting and speaking in ways intended to hurt you. You're constantly on guard, expecting disappointment.

4. You shy away from others: Letting someone into your inner world feels too risky, so you choose solitude over sharing your thoughts and feelings, even if you want to get close to the other person. 

5. You struggle with intimacy: Emotional or physical intimacy is uncomfortable because it requires too much trust and vulnerability. 

6. You have trouble opening up: Communicating with your partner about your fears, desires, and past experiences to someone you love (or like a lot) feels impossible. You might fear being laughed at or judged. 

7. You choose untrustworthy people: You become friends with, date, and even marry people who validate your trust issues through negative words and actions.

8. You feel overprotective: You feel the need to shield yourself from potential threats, including those coming from other people. This can appear to others as controlling behavior. 

9. You pick fights: You create distance from your partners by starting arguments. You may also use disagreements to test the strength of your relationship or compromise it.

10. You fear abandonment: You fear space from your partner, which can lead to behavior like self-sabotage and clinginess.

How to overcome trust issues 

Trust issues are challenging, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Help is available, and there are a few different ways you can work through trust issues on your own, too. Here are a few things to try: 

Learn about yourself

Step one is figuring out and understanding the root cause of your issues with trust and emotional intimacy. Reflect on past relationships, childhood experiences, and significant life events that might have triggered mistrust to set the stage for healing. Journaling, mindfulness practices, and counseling also facilitate self-discovery.

Navigate your pain 

Acknowledging the pain stemming from your trust issues, such as being betrayed, is essential. It's all about validating your emotions, understanding the impact of past experiences, and allowing yourself to grieve if needed. Processing this pain might be uncomfortable, but it's an essential piece of the puzzle. 

Take risks 

Trust inherently involves risk. Being too risk-averse can prevent relationships from growing or even prevent you from getting into relationships at all. Learn to take calculated risks and understand that trust-building doesn't happen within your comfort zone. Start small and work your way up.  

Communicate openly 

Transparent communication helps relationships of all shapes and sizes thrive. Create a safe space where you and your partner can express your thoughts, concerns, and non-negotiables without fear of judgment, but be aware of your boundaries, too. Listen actively to their needs and receive feedback positively to continue making progress. Remember that you care about this person, even when things get tough. 

Seek professional help 

Complex trust issues sometimes require professional help, and that's okay. Therapy and marriage counseling are great ways to overcome roadblocks and gain helpful insight. Therapists offer coping strategies and provide a neutral ground for discussions and working through your behaviors and thoughts. 

Foster trust for better intimacy 

Amazing sex requires trust. To boost intimacy with your partner, divulge your fantasies and browse audio erotica together on Quinn. Quinn's diverse range of ethical sexual content is a great way to spark conversation, helping couples explore their desires and kinks openly, and it can also help jumpstart a sexless relationship.

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