Dating’s a thrilling adventure, but it’s about more than the initial spark.

You can have all the chemistry in the world and still not be a good match. And that’s because everyone has their must-haves and deal-breakers: non-negotiables in a relationship that make or break whether things continue. These unshakeable, no-compromise values keep relationships going beyond the honeymoon phase, and they're worth picking battles over. 

Non-negotiables are important to discuss as any relationship blooms so you and your partner (or partners) are on the same page. From a sense of humor to shared goals, don't compromise on this list. 

What are non-negotiables?

Relationship and dating non-negotiables are traits, values, and principles that are crucial for someone's health and happiness within a partnership. They’re the boundaries you won't and shouldn't compromise on — including but not limited to moral outlooks, family values, and lifestyle choices. 

Here’s an example: Having or not having kids is a huge non-negotiable for many people. If you don’t want to have that kind of family, chances are you won’t be happy with someone who’s dream is to be fruitful and multiply. And that’s okay. Identifying non-negotiables is about recognizing what qualities in a relationship are absolutely critical for long-term satisfaction, not judging someone or finding things to pick fights about. 

Why are non-negotiables important in a relationship?

A relationship non-negotiable is a boundary that helps you connect with people who share your core values, whether that’s about certain personality traits or outlooks on marriage. This can help you find a respectful and healthy relationship where your past, present, and future align.

Here's why non-negotiables in a relationship are essential: 

• Avoids resentment: Overlooking and compromising on fundamental differences can lead to irritation. By setting non-negotiables, you're proactively and transparently addressing potential conflict areas. 

• Boosts respect: Setting and sticking to non-negotiables is a sign of respect, both for yourself and your partner. Know what you're worth and don't settle for less, even if your partner tries to convince you otherwise. And if you can tell you aren’t the right fit for someone, be the bigger person and let them know sooner rather than later.

• Aligns values: When both partners have clarity on each other's values, it can help align your values and keep you on the same page for the future. 

• Leads to better decisions: Having well-defined non-negotiables can simplify decision-making processes in your relationship, providing a clear framework of what's acceptable and what's not.

• Enhances communication: Healthy discussions about your values foster open communication and bonding over shared goals. You don’t want to find out six months in that the love of your life actually wants to live on a different continent. Talk about it now.

15 examples of non-negotiables in a relationship 

If you want to feel happy and satisfied in your relationship, establish some non-negotiables and practice continuous communication with the people you date. 

Here are some to consider: 

1. Mutual respect

Without respect, relationships suffer — and that applies to friends and family too. Mutual respect can look like appreciating each other's individuality, opinions, and need for space without neglecting your own feelings. It fosters a healthy environment conducive to understanding and trust, which makes it an important non-negotiable. If someone doesn’t respect you, show them the door.

2. Honesty and trust

For many people, honesty and trust are deeply linked and important for a meaningful, non-toxic relationship. Being transparent and reliable when it comes to the big stuff, like monogamy, and the small stuff, like whether or not someone has food in their teeth, cultivates trust and helps form a safe space for you and your partner. 

Some people have different values when it comes to this category, which is why it’s so important to consider. People who’ve been cheated on or otherwise betrayed by past relationships might have trust issues that make it harder to be honest and vulnerable — and they might have different needs when it comes to transparency.

3. Open communication

Effective communication keeps relationships of all kinds running smoothly. A non-negotiable for some people might be talking every day, and others might be totally okay with less frequent contact — so get on the same page.

Great communication can look like active listening, expressing yourself without expectation of judgment or anger, and being open to complex discussions. Learning how to communicate better can help you and your partner tackle disagreements and have more fun, and is key for maintaining long-term and especially long-distance relationships.

4. Mutual support 

Acknowledging each other's feelings, aspirations, and achievements helps both of you feel empowered and loved. Whether someone needs verbal validation when expressing themselves or wants you to show up to their open mic on the weekend, supporting each other is an important non-negotiable for many.

5. Humor 

An excellent sense of humor is one of the most common non-negotiables out there. It lightens the load of real life, and laughing together can deepen your bond surprisingly quickly. But not everyone thinks the same things are funny, and people who hold this value usually look for people who match their sense of humor. 

6. Intimacy 

Whether emotional, physical, or sexual, you may have trouble finding long-term happiness with a partner who doesn't view intimacy similarly to you. If you prefer to have sex a few times weekly or your partner needs daily affirmation, tuning into each other's desires and needs can make sure you’re the perfect match.

7. Shared goals 

Before you get serious, do you have shared goals? Working together toward common aspirations is exciting, but only if you’re on the same page. These could include anything from traveling to a specific country together to becoming co-parents to a pet. If someone’s a homebody who’s allergic to animals, they might not be the one.

8. Commitment

Commitment is the glue that holds many relationships together, and it looks different to everyone. For some people, commitment means monogamy and a wedding (white picket fence optional). For others, it means having a primary partner with the option to casually date others. But in general, a solid commitment to agreed-upon relationship boundaries demonstrates important respect and communication. 

9. Accepting differences

Learning to accept each other's differences as unique humans makes relationships more enjoyable. This essential relationship non-negotiable encompasses embracing and appreciating each partner's perspectives and traits, even if you don't always agree. It's discovering each other's quirks and working with them instead of against them or trying to fix them. 

10. Open-mindedness

Open-mindedness can spur both personal and relationship growth. It’s about being willing to try new things, consider different perspectives, and learn from someone else, which makes it important for curious people who aren’t afraid of change. 

11. Family relationships

Relationships, especially marriages, don't exist in isolation. They intersect with broader family and community dynamics that significantly impact how many people function and relate to one another. Some people might not care about family, and others will — so define your individual needs, such as how much time you spend with each other’s family and how close you want to become. 

And remember that if you and your partner are together long-term, their family might become yours. If you’re apprehensive about the idea of being joined to their family members, let your partner know quickly. An irritating in-law is one thing, but an environment you feel unsafe in is another. 

12. Authenticity 

You want to be your true self around your loved ones. When both partners can be totally authentic, quirks and all, it creates a nurturing, trustworthy, and fun environment. If you can't be weird around your partner, who can you be weird around?

13. Friendship

For many couples, a strong friendship forms the base of their connection. Wanting a partner you're also friends with is about enjoying each other's company and having fun together, with or without the romantic and sexual bonuses. If you've ever heard someone call their spouse their best friend, this non-negotiable is why. 

14. Core values

A core value can be tough to compromise on, and truthfully, you shouldn't have to. Core values guide your behavior, decisions, and actions in and out of relationships, and sharing them provides common ground to build your bond. From practicing a religion to wanting privacy, it’s essential to see eye to eye in this category. 

15. Finances

Money is a tricky subject for many people, so you should be able to have calm, productive discussions about finances if you’re in it for the long haul. These talks can cover spending habits, financial planning, and anything else that may impact your partnership, especially if you share funds with your spouse. Being transparent about debt or financial goals paves the way for fewer arguments and could highlight any differences in your attitudes.

Nurture your relationship with yourself with Quinn 

Once you've established your relationship non-negotiables, it's time to show yourself the love you deserve. To explore your sexuality and get to know your likes, dislikes, and desires, try Quinn, an audio erotica app created by women, for everyone. 

Quinn is a safe space for people to learn how to love their bodies and themselves. To access thousands of audio stories, guided masturbation sessions, and playlists, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.