Many people are quick to throw around words like “high sex drive” or “low libido.”

But in order for “high” and “low” to exist, there must also be a middle ground — and most people don’t actually know what a “normal” sex drive is.

Let’s explore what’s “normal,” what’s not, and what you can do to work toward a healthy, satisfying sex life.

Understanding sex drive

“Libido” is what medical and psychiatric professionals use to describe a person’s overall desire for sexual activity — aka their sex drive. It's a fundamental part of human nature, but it can vary greatly from person to person. 

Your libido is also likely to fluctuate throughout your lifetime. Factors like age, health, and lifestyle can significantly impact your sex drive. You might have an insatiable sexual appetite in your 20s but find that your libido plummets a decade later.

These shifts aren’t necessarily something to worry about, but understanding why they happen can help you make adjustments if you or your partner feel frustrated by the amount of sex you crave (or don’t crave).

Common causes of a high sex drive

Many people assume that a low libido in women is the norm. But people of every gender can experience an active (or even hyperactive) sex drive. Here are some of the common causes of high libido.

Hormonal factors

Hormones play a significant role in regulating libido. For instance, increased testosterone levels can lead to a higher sex drive in both men and women. Similarly, the phases of the menstrual cycle also affect libido in individuals with a uterus, causing peaks during ovulation.

Exercising

Regular physical activity can boost libido by improving body image, increasing stamina, and enhancing overall health. Exercise also leads to the release of endorphins, which can increase sexual arousal.

Relationship dynamics

Being in a new or emotionally fulfilling relationship has a way of heightening your sexual desire. The excitement and novelty associated with a new romance often lead to an increased libido.

Emotional influences

Moods and emotions can significantly impact libido. Positive emotions like happiness and love might heighten sexual desire. Romantic feelings and emotional closeness can also play a role.

Common causes of a low sex drive

Unless you’re finding that libido hyperactivity is causing tension in your relationship or making you wonder if you’re suffering from sexual addiction, a high libido probably isn’t what brought you here. More likely, you’re wondering, “Why is my sex drive low?” 

Here are some of the common causes.

Stress and mental health

Stress, anxiety, and depression are common culprits of low sex drive in men, women, and people of every gender. Mental health directly impacts a person’s interest in sex, and chronic stress can lead to hormonal imbalances that reduce libido.

Psychological damage

Body image issues, past trauma, and deep-seated psychological problems can contribute to decreased libido. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence can also play a role.

Medication side effects

Certain medications, especially antidepressants and birth control pills, can lower libido as a side effect. Other medications like blood pressure drugs and anti-anxiety agents can also contribute.

How do sex drives differ between men and women?

The basic mechanism of libido is similar across all genders, but there are some common differences between people assigned male at birth (AMAB) and those assigned female at birth (AFAB).

Consistency versus context

AMAB people often experience a more consistent level of libido, while AFAB people tend to have a more context-dependent sex drive, influenced by factors like emotional connection or relationship quality with a partner.

Physical versus emotional

Some AFAB people may require emotional intimacy or mental stimulation to experience sexual desire, while some AMAB individuals may gravitate more toward visual stimuli and experience physical arousal quickly after watching something enticing, like porn.

Hormonal influences

Hormones like testosterone and estrogen play an important role in the strength of individuals’ sex drives, and things like menstruation and menopause can cause short- or long-term changes to libido. Since AMAB people don’t generally experience as many hormonal changes as those born female, their sex drives are less likely to fluctuate unless they’re suffering from low testosterone.

Societal and cultural influences 

Societal norms and cultural background can also influence an individual’s libido. In a culture where women frequently experience culture-driven sexual shame, they may feel unable to safely act on their natural impulses and sexual fantasies.

How to increase your sex drive

If you want to raise your libido, you’re likely to have the best results from taking a holistic approach.

Better sleep

Improving the quality and duration of your sleep can reduce stress, balance out hormones, and improve your overall health, which often boosts libido.

Healthy lifestyle choices

Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and avoiding things like smoking and excessive alcohol may enhance libido by improving your health and stamina. These lifestyle choices contribute to better blood flow and energy levels, both of which are important for a healthy sex drive.

Sexual exploration

There’s much more to sex than missionary-style intercourse. Experimenting with new foreplay techniques, sex positions, and stimulating sex toys can help revitalize your sexual desire.

Mindful stress management

Practices like meditation, yoga, and mindfulness often reduce the stress and anxiety that tend to contribute to a low sex drive. These practices also help foster a deeper connection with your body, which may lead to increased arousal and stronger orgasms.

Open communication

Discussing your sexual needs and concerns openly and honestly with a partner can help them better understand your preferences, concerns, and sexual fantasies. This can also improve your connection, which may also impact your libido.

Responding to your partner’s needs

Understanding and responding to your partner's sexual needs is always a good thing, but it can have the added benefit of enhancing your own sex drive. You may find that consciously working toward mutual awareness creates a more fulfilling and exciting sexual relationship for both you and your partner.

Sex therapy

A low sex drive is often influenced at least partially by psychological barriers, which are easier to effectively address with the help of a certified sex therapist. Even if you're experiencing sexual dysfunction related to a medical issue like menopause or medically induced ejaculation problems, you can pair sex therapy with medical intervention to get your sexual health back on track.

Testosterone therapy

While you should only consider this option after undergoing testing and working with a healthcare professional, testosterone therapy could help you address a low libido caused by a hormonal imbalance.

Medical intervention

If you’ve tried all the other suggestions on this list and find that your issues with low libido persist, consult a knowledgeable healthcare provider. Conditions like erectile dysfunction and hypoactive sexual desire disorder often require medical intervention.

Inspire new sexual fantasies with Quinn

We touched on the role mental stimulation plays in sexual desire, and one of the best ways to stimulate your mind is with erotica. That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world. People of all genders can benefit from the power of aural stimulation.

If you’re interested in foreplay inspiration, mindfulness, or multiple orgasms, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start. To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.