Sexuality is fluid, and sometimes it can be hard to put yourself in a box.

Even as the world grows more accepting of queer identities, it's normal to feel confused if you start having romantic or sexual feelings for someone of the same sex. 

There’s no pressure to label yourself. And if you’re nervously googling "Am I bisexual?” or “Am I gay?”, you won’t find the answers online. You’re the only person who knows how you feel. 

While we can't tell you which sexuality best describes you, we can offer some helpful tips to help you find the answer that feels right. These are common questions, and we're proud of you for being open enough to ask.

The LGBTQ+ lexicon: An abridged glossary

Before getting into what it means to be bisexual, let's take a quick look at some of the most common words in the queer lexicon:

• Cisgender/cis: Adjective describing someone whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth

• Transgender/trans: Adjective describing someone whose gender identity doesn't match the sex they were assigned at birth

• Nonbinary: Adjective describing someone whose gender identity isn't strictly male or female

• Heterosexuality: Romantic or sexual attraction to people of the opposite sex (assuming a male/female gender binary)

• Cishet: Adjective describing someone who's both cisgender and heterosexual 

• Homosexuality: Romantic or sexual attraction to people of the same sex

• Lesbian: A woman who's romantically or sexually attracted to other women, including those assigned female at birth (AFAB) and transgender women

• Gay: Adjective describing a man who's romantically or sexually attracted to other men, including those assigned male at birth (AMAB) and transgender men

• Queer: A reclaimed umbrella term to describe anyone who doesn't identify as cishet, though some members of the community still consider "queer" a pejorative

• Asexual: Adjective describing someone who isn't sexually attracted to people of any gender or sexuality

• Pansexual: Adjective describing someone whose romantic or sexual attraction isn't influenced by a person's gender 

• Demisexual: Adjective describing someone who has to develop an emotional bond before feeling sexually attracted to another person

• Closeted: Adjective describing someone who wants to keep their gender or sexual identity a secret

• Intersex: Adjective describing someone born with male and female reproductive or sexual anatomy

• LGBTQ+: Stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer/questioning, with the plus sign indicating that more sexual and gender minorities exist, like intersexuality and asexuality

You'll notice we left “bisexual” off the list — we’ll dive more deeply into that definition below. We'll also touch on some of the terms above when defining bisexuality, so look back at this glossary as you need. The Association of LGBTQ+ Journalists (NLGJA)’s “Stylebook on LGBTQ+ Terminology” is a great resource if you want to explore more terms. There are too many to cover in just one article.

Where does bisexuality fall on the sexuality spectrum?

Many people think being bisexual, or bi, means you're a man or woman who's attracted to both men and women. That makes sense if you subscribe to the idea of a gender binary — if there are only two genders and you're sexually attracted to both, you're bi. Easy, right?

But when you acknowledge gender identities beyond male and female, you'll realize there are lots of other ways to be bisexual. If you're emotionally, sexually, or romantically attracted to people of more than one gender, bisexuality could be an accurate way to describe your sexual orientation. 

Some people go a step further and use bi+ to bring together bisexuality, pansexuality, and gender fluidity, which is a good way to include more queer identities. Some also acknowledge that sexuality can be intersectional, meaning you could be both bisexual and asexual — if you have a romantic but non-sexual interest in people of more than one gender, you can call yourself bisexual (or even biromantic). You can also be a demisexual bisexual, an aromantic bisexual, or any other combination of identities and orientations. It’s up to you to decide if these labels feel right.

Are bisexual people more promiscuous?

A common myth about bisexuality is that people who are attracted to more than one gender can’t be monogamous. While being attracted to some or all genders opens more opportunities for flirting, that doesn’t at all mean bi people are cheaters or can’t settle down. Bi folks are just as capable of dating one exclusive partner as anyone else. 

Being attracted to multiple genders doesn't mean you or your bisexual partner will act on that attraction, just like how a straight partner won’t want to sleep with every opposite-sex person they meet. Love, trust, and fidelity are universal values that transcend the boundaries of sexual orientation. As with every other type of relationship, communication and honesty are key.

How do I know if I'm bisexual?

If you've gotten this far and you're still not sure, you might assume "bicurious" is the best label to describe your indecision. But we'd recommend either fully embracing the bisexual label or holding off on self-identification until you feel more confident. 

Some people say the word "bicurious" minimizes bisexuality's status as a genuine sexual identity, reinforcing the biphobia many people face — sometimes even from within the LGBTQ+ community. Bisexuals are often stereotyped as promiscuous or not actually attracted to the opposite sex, and the definition of "bicurious" might seem noncommital in a way that matches those stereotypes.

It’s okay to embrace a bicurious mentality if you start developing a crush on someone whose gender isn't one you've been attracted to before. You’re curious, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Have fun testing the waters with a queer hookup, or try an online dating app that celebrates bisexuality. Apps like Feeld are great for meeting like-minded partners who also love to experiment. 

What if I'm more attracted to one gender than another?

Bisexuality is a spectrum, and your spot on it is uniquely yours. It’s okay to be sexually attracted to different genders in different ways. In fact, it would be pretty rare to have an exact 50-50 split between hetero and homo.

Maybe you're into men both romantically and sexually, but your only interest in women is sexual. Perhaps you prefer cisgender partners — or maybe you find nonbinary folks simply irresistible. You could be attracted to tons of femme women but have a very specific type when it comes to masc people. There’s nothing wrong with any of these experiences. 

A word of warning about online sexuality quizzes

In the 1940s, sex researcher Alfred Kinsey developed the Kinsey scale to visualize the sexuality spectrum, a tool designed to help people better understand their sexuality. If you take Kinsey's test (which you’ll probably find if you’re scouring the internet for quizzes), you'll fall somewhere between “exclusively heterosexual” and “exclusively homosexual” — and yes, bisexual is one of the possible results.

The Kinsey scale was revolutionary when it first came out, but as the world’s understanding of gender and sexuality grew and evolved, the quiz became outdated. Take it if you're curious, but remember that the possible outcomes don't encompass the full spectrum as we understand it today.

You'll find plenty of other online quizzes offering a diagnostic breakdown of your sexual orientation. But be wary of anything with a name like "The Am I Bisexual Quiz." Sexuality is subjective, not an exact science. Don't let a set of yes-or-no questions try to tell you who you are. Instead, use it for self-reflection. The questions could help you think harder about who you’re attracted to or not.

The path to accepting your bisexuality

No matter how you identify, accepting your sexuality is a journey, not a destination. It's about opening yourself up to other people to understand who you are — without buying into societal norms. 

That doesn’t mean it will be easy. You may endure some biphobia from friends, family, and strangers. A lot of people think it’s impossible to be attracted to multiple genders. Some may try to convince you it’s just a phase or that it’s only a stepping stone to identifying as gay.  

Try not to let stigma and stereotypes stop you from seeking emotional and sexual fulfillment. Bisexual men, women, and people of every other gender deserve the same love and respect as anyone else. 

Surround yourself with supportive friends and LGBTQ+ people. Attending local queer meetups or pride events is a good place to build a community. And if you need mental health support, look for an LGBTQ-affirming therapist. Your mental well-being should be a top priority as you explore your sexuality.

You have a friend in Quinn

Traditional porn sometimes fetishizes bisexuality and other non-hetero relationships (threesomes, we’re looking at you). But ethical erotica puts positive representations front and center, helping marginalized people feel seen and celebrated. 

That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women, for the world. Whether you’re interested in WLW erotica or nonbinary voices, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.