If you’ve ever had a hard time orgasming during sex, doing it while you’re sleeping might seem impossible to imagine. But that’s exactly what a wet dream is — a “sleep orgasm” that happens after your conscious mind has retired for the night. 

Anyone can turn a sexy dream into physical pleasure. It just takes some practice and thought.

What happens during a wet dream?

Anyone who’s gone through puberty can have a wet dream, or what the medical community refers to as “nocturnal emissions” or “oneirogonorrhea” (no relation to the STI). 

During a wet dream, people with penises will get an erection that results in ejaculation, which is typically visible on the bedding the next day.

In people with vaginas — yes, women do have wet dreams! — increased blood flow during sleep engorges the clitoris, which can lead to arousal. Female wet dreams aren’t typically as messy as male, but a sleep orgasm may cause the Skene’s glands (aka the female prostate) to emit a dense, milky liquid, the same female ejaculate that supports vaginal lubrication during sex.

Whether or not you’re aware that the wet dream happened when you wake up will vary from person to person and night to night. The dream may be intense enough to jolt you awake, or you may sleep through it, only noticing the stains on the sheets in the morning. All you really need to know is that it’s totally normal — and can even be fun.

What causes wet dreams?

While many studies have tried to identify the source of wet dreams, pinpointing an exact explanation is difficult, especially since they’re spontaneous and hard to duplicate in a lab. But here’s what we do know:

Hormonal changes

One of the possible causes of wet dreams may explain why they’re commonly associated with pubescent males: The production of testosterone, a sex hormone, increases 10 times in adolescent boys. In studies of teenagers with delayed puberty, male subjects reported experiencing wet dreams after taking oral testosterone supplements for three months.

When estrogen was administered to the female participants in the same delayed-puberty study, researchers noted a “significant increase in necking” (making out) but no increase in wet dreams. But since girls are less likely to leave a noticeable residue on their sheets after climaxing in their sleep, it’s possible the respondents had an uptick in wet dreams without even knowing it.

Masturbation frequency

Other researchers believe that how frequently you masturbate or have intercourse could play a role. Some people say that people with penises who masturbate less often are more prone to nocturnal emissions, so ejaculating more during waking hours leads to fewer wet dreams. 

REM sleep

Then there’s the dream factor. The rapid eye movement (REM) sleep phase is the deep sleep cycle associated with vivid dreaming. It’s not uncommon for people to experience nocturnal clitoral or penile tumescence (aka sexual arousal) during REM sleep, especially if you’re having dreams about sex. 

Genital stimulation

Has sitting on a vibrating bus or bumping your crotch on a piece of furniture ever turned you on? You can unintentionally stimulate your genitals while awake, and the same thing can happen while asleep — especially if you sleep on your stomach or wrapped in blankets. For some people, this unconscious arousal is enough to trigger a wet dream.

Mental stimulation

TV shows and other external stimuli can influence your dreams and make them sexier. One study revealed that participants who spent more than three hours per day watching television had nocturnal emissions more often than participants who watched less TV.

How to have wet dreams (or avoid them)

Dreams are hard to control, so whether you want to improve or reduce the odds of having a wet dream, don’t assume there’s anything wrong if you don’t get the result you’re looking for. But there are a few approaches you can try.

If you’re prone to nocturnal emissions and want to find a way to reduce them, add masturbating to your daily routine to help release some of your sexual energy during waking hours. Avoid tight-fitting pajamas, and if you’re a stomach sleeper, try switching to your side or back.

But if you’ve ever had an intense sex dream that you wished could have taken you all the way, erotic lucid dreaming is a good avenue to explore.

A quick introduction to erotic lucid dreaming

In a lucid dream, you’re asleep but conscious of the fact that you’re dreaming. For some, they happen naturally, but many people have to train themselves to lucid dream. And with enough practice, dreamers can become active participants in the stories that unfold while they sleep.

Lucid dreaming isn’t an inherently sexual practice. But if you can learn to control your dreams, there’s no reason sex can’t be part of your sleeping mind’s adventures.

First, you’ll need to learn how to encourage your unconscious mind to have sexual dreams. Wearing lingerie to bed, playing with a vibrator in the moments before drifting off, and watching porn or listening to audio erotica to fill your mind with sexy images can help get you into the right mindset.    

Once you’ve found the stimuli that turn your sleeping self on, research the Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams (MILD) and Senses-Initiated Lucid Dream (SSILD) techniques. Both aim to enhance consciousness within the dream, potentially allowing you greater control over what you dream about. Dedicate time to practicing these methods to stretch your theoretical muscles.

As you train yourself to have erotic lucid dreams, keep a dream journal to document the scenarios that unfold while you sleep. This practice can help improve your memory of events and provide insights into their potential meanings. Consistently writing down your dreams upon waking could also help you pinpoint patterns or triggers leading to sexual fantasies.

Erotic lucid dreaming isn’t just fun. It’s a great way to explore your sexuality and live out your fantasies, which can help support a healthy sex life. You’re also likely to find that the orgasms you experience during dream sex could be far more intense than the ones you get during real-world intercourse. 

Give yourself something to dream about

We’re big believers in the power of sound-based arousal. That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world. If you’re interested in turning your dream state into a fantasy playground, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.