Situationships: the no-man’s-land of connections, bridging the gap between seeing and dating someone. 

Definitionally ambiguous, these romantic dynamics can leave you confused, wondering where you stand and how to move forward — or if moving forward is an option. 

If you’re feeling the spark but lacking the label, discover whether you should embrace or dismiss your situationship. 

What’s a situationship?

A situationship is essentially relationship limbo. You’re not officially anything — not dating, friends with benefits, or something short-term and casual. There’s still a chance you’ll end up committed, but you either haven’t discussed it or reached a resolution.

When trying to decide if you’re in a situationship versus a relationship, the key sign is murkiness. Conflicting commitment expectations and a lack of communication usually cause this confusion. One partner might think they’re part of a committed relationship — or on their way to being in one — while the other describes the connection as short-term and casual. Eventually, this misalignment comes to light, and the first person realizes they’re in a situationship.

Situationships might also stem from our innate affinity with categorization. Defining certain situations and social behaviors helps us simplify and make sense of the world. And finding yourself in an undefined relationship is stressful, since you’re suddenly unsure of how to behave or move forward. Most labels come with a general idea of how to move forward that situationships don’t see. 

Are you in a situationship? 6 signs

A common situationship red flag is the inability to describe the relationship to loved ones. The connection's ambiguity makes it difficult to pinpoint whether you’re actually dating or just casually seeing each other.

But here are six more signs to watch out for: 

1. There’s no growth

Situationships often don’t have a forward-looking attitude, meaning the noncommittal party won’t move the relationship forward, and you might not either because you’re unsure of where you stand. For example, they likely won’t introduce you to loved ones, and you’ll avoid doing so, too, because you don’t know whether you’re with someone who’s ready for that next step. That means the dynamic is stale and might not have the potential to grow into a deeper relationship.

2. You don’t go on dates

Someone who wants to keep the relationship casual and low-stakes likely won’t take you on in-public dates where you can build romantic intimacy and connection. Instead, they stick to sex-based activities like booty calls and sexting. 

3. They breadcrumb you

Breadcrumbing is when someone communicates just enough to keep you interested without intending to further the relationship. They might also make false promises to temporarily convince you of their commitment while never following through. 

Say you tell the person you’re seeing that going out for dinner is really important to you. They might feign interest and say they’ll try to find a suitable weekend. But as time passes, they frequently make excuses and never show via their actions that they care about fulfilling this need. 

4. There are no long-term plans

Situationships often occur because one person wants the connection to be short-term and casual. So this person often shucks attempts at making long-term plans, like meeting loved ones, moving in together, and booking trips. The other person might also avoid initiating these activities because they fear scaring off the more skittish party. 

5. You aren’t exclusive

Because situationships are definitionally non-committal, they’re also usually non-exclusive, meaning you can still date other people. This might benefit everyone involved, but the lack of communication and ambiguity means one person might not even know the other is still dating. And if the person seems to be acting in a confusing way, you might be scared to ask them where you stand. 

6. You keep your lives separate

If the person you’re seeing wants to keep things light and casual, this often requires separating your personal lives. Meeting friends and parents, trying out each others’ hobbies, and moving in together all typically encourage a deeper connection, and someone who’s trying to keep you at arm’s length won’t want to cultivate this depth. 

The pros and cons of being in a situationship

Situationships aren’t inherently bad. Shucking social categories and simply enjoying time with a partner is liberating and can feel low-stakes. Plus, you could reduce ambiguity by setting clear dating expectations and non-negotiables for both parties, even if there are other question marks between you. 

Here are a few more pros of being in a situationship:

• Increased freedom: In many situationships, you can explore as you wish. And it’s often easier to break up with someone when the connection is less intimate and committed, offering you the freedom to move on without as much heartache. 

• Convenience: Non-committal relationships are great when traveling or getting over a breakup. 

• Flexibility: When something’s undefined, it can shift it into whatever you like — as long as everyone involved agrees. 

But sometimes, the lack of definition signifies misalignment regarding relationship expectations. Here are a few disadvantages of being in a situationship:

• Less consistent and available support: You likely can’t rely on someone who’s wanting a low-investment connection. 

• Confusion regarding next steps: You might not know whether inviting them on a trip or to sleep over is appropriate.

• Unmatched vulnerability: If you’re hoping for something long-term and committed but they’re not, you might share more of yourself than they’re willing to give.  

How to get out of a situationship

Having a light-bulb moment and realizing you’re in an unwanted situationship? Here are a few ways to either move the relationship forward or get out of this toxic situation:

• Be honest: Directly confront the ambiguity and clearly state your short and long-term expectations. You might be surprised to find that the other person was confused about your relationship status, too, and both want increased clarity. 

• Set communication check-ins: If you discover that you’re both on the same page but aren’t communicating well, set check-ins where you chat about how things are going and where you both hope things head. 

• Try making moves forward: Suss out your partner’s position by initiating more committed steps forward, like asking them to sleep over or inviting them to a gathering with your friends. 

• Make a clean break: If it’s clear your date doesn’t want to invest time and energy into this relationship, let them know that your expectations are unaligned and break things off. Cut contact altogether if you think they’ll breadcrumb you, and remember that you’re choosing not to see them so you can prioritize finding someone who wants what you want.

Find the right audio erotica for your situation

On Quinn, there’s audio erotica for every situation. Whether you’re embracing the freedom and flexibility of your situationship or breaking it off and flying solo, you’ll find the ethical sexual content that fits your mood. 

To access thousands of audio stories and guided sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.