Committed. Monogamous. Exclusive. 

All of these labels mean “not seeing other people.” And while there’s nothing wrong with them, always being in exclusive relationships — with minimal breathing or grieving room between them — could make you a serial monogamist. 

Serial monogamy may not be unhealthy for everyone, but it's often linked to low self-esteem and a fear of being alone, and entering a new relationship as soon as another ends keeps you from healing and growing. If you're always in a committed relationship, it's worth looking at why you choose a serial relationship pattern (and whether you want to get out of it).

What is a serial monogamist?  

Serial monogamy happens when someone exclusively dates several or many people in a row, unlike hooking up or casual dating where you might see a few people without being exclusive. The most common example of serial monogamy would be moving quickly from one commitment romantic connection to another with little to no break in between. 

While this isn't always a red flag in men, women, or people of any gender, serial monogamy doesn’t let you heal from or process a breakup before jumping into something new. In some cases, it’s a symptom of deep fears or unaddressed emotional needs related to relationships.  

Identifying the motivation behind this behavior can help you understand your attachment dynamics to forge better relationship boundaries in the future. It’s not about swearing off dating, but learning how to do it in a healthier way.

These signs can indicate serial monogamy: 

• Quick succession of relationships: Serial monogamists struggle with space in relationships, often jumping from close relationship to close relationship. As soon as one ends, another begins.

• Fear of being alone: If you seek out relationships to avoid feeling uncomfortable or anxious because you're single, you might be a serial monogamist. 

• Superficial commitments: Serial monogamy characteristics often include superficial relationships that escalate quickly. They’re superficial because you haven't been with your partner long enough to have the depth of understanding required to make a serious commitment. It’s a pattern of intense, shallow connections. 

• Lack of personal growth and independence: Some serial monogamists don’t know how to cultivate their individuality and personality outside of a partner. Your personality might change depending on who you’re with — to a point where you don’t know what to do when you’re single.

• Repetition of relationship patterns: Despite the sometimes rapid change in partners, there's often a noticeable repetition of the dynamics and issues within each pairing. This cycle indicates a pattern that goes beyond just the partners involved. In other words, it’s not them, it’s you.

7 potential causes of serial monogamy  

Understanding the contributing factors behind this relationship pattern can help you address potential issues and form healthier bonds with romantic partners. If you're always searching for your next “the one,” these reasons might be why: 

1. Commitment issues 

Some people find the idea of long-term commitment overwhelming. You might thrive during the initial stages of a relationship but retreat as soon as things start getting serious or the honeymoon phase ends. This fear of commitment can stem from past relationships or watching people you love (including your parents) break things off. 

2. Low self-esteem 

People with low self-esteem often seek validity in romantic relationships. You might feel unworthy or inadequate on your own, craving the affection and attention of a partner to validate you. This reliance can drive you from one relationship to another — but it’s like a band-aid instead of a real solution to low self-worth. 

3. Unresolved trauma 

If you have unresolved traumas, especially from childhood, these issues can carry into your adult relationships. Traumas can impact your ability to maintain long-term pairings, which can bring problems handling conflict or communicating in relationships.  

4. Cultural influences 

Cultural and societal norms sometimes influence relationship behaviors, including serial monogamy. Think about dating apps — when it feels like there are so many options out there, people leave unsatisfying relationships more often instead of working things out. That pattern of getting to know someone and then dumping them because you think there’s better out there can lead to a path of serial monogamy. 

5. Self-sabotage 

Some people feel uncomfortable with security and stability, causing them to subconsciously sabotage their relationships and continually seek new ones. If you feel bored in stable relationships and prefer the excitement and volatility that comes with unstable dynamics, this may be the cause of your serial monogamy. 

6. Mental health issues 

Mental health conditions like borderline personality disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder can influence relationship patterns. Symptoms of these disorders, such as a heightened fear of abandonment, identity disturbances, or relationship-centered obsessions, can make people more likely to seek new relationships as a form of reassurance or a source of attention. 

7. Attachment disorders 

Not receiving consistent emotional support during your formative years can cause unhealthy attachment styles when you get older. You might become too quickly dependent on others, entering new relationships to avoid being alone.

How to break the cycle of serial monogamy: 4 tips

There’s no singular way to stop being a serial monogamist. Every person is different, and on top of that, every relationship is different — so there are many feelings and dynamics at play. But the one thing everyone has in common is that they should look inward and start unpacking the things that might be holding them back. 

To create healthier patterns with partners, try these practical strategies:  

1. Practice self-reflection 

Set aside some time to reflect on your relationship history. Identify recurring patterns and ask yourself the tough questions about why you jump from one relationship to another and how you genuinely feel about it. Why did your last relationship end? How long did it take you to feel ready to move on after? Are you pushing down unresolved feelings, or are you actually over it? 

Understanding the “why” behind your actions is the first step toward positive change, and activities like meditating and journaling can help you get your emotions out. It also never hurts to reach out to friends — they watch your patterns too and might have some insights that you haven’t noticed on your own.

2. Establish healthy boundaries

Start learning about and setting healthy boundaries with other people. This means knowing what you're comfortable and uncomfortable with, what you need from your partner, and communicating those needs effectively as relationship non-negotiables. That way, you might be able to slow down relationships that get serious too fast. 

3. Go to therapy

It never hurts to speak to a professional about the underlying causes of your serial monogamy. A therapist can help you identify and address issues like fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and unresolved trauma. They can also provide valuable tools for better relationship decision-making and help you develop a more robust and healthier sense of self. 

4. Take a relationship sabbatical 

Take a year off dating to focus on your needs — yes, a year. It might feel long, but being single for only a month or two doesn’t give you quite enough time to reflect and find yourself.

Use this break to explore your interests, strengthen your relationships with family and friends, and work on personal growth and development. Learning to be comfortable with being single is crucial for breaking the cycle of serial monogamy and discovering what makes you truly happy. 

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Taking steps to break the cycle of serial monogamy is also about enhancing your sexual experience.  

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