Your partner is touching you just the way you like. Whispering in your ear. Kissing your neck. 

You're close to an explosive orgasm when they stop everything. They move their hands and back off, and you feel your climax start to fade away. But instead of being disappointed, you’re even more aroused. 

This is orgasm denial, and it's a popular kink for a reason.

What is orgasm denial, exactly? 

Orgasm denial is a fun and sometimes intense kink that involves deliberately postponing or denying climax. When you deny an orgasm, you either get to climax much later than you want, under certain conditions, or (gasp) not at all. 

At this point, you might be wondering a few things: Don't orgasms have benefits? Why have sex without an orgasm? Isn't blue balls a bad thing? If questions like these are running through your head, orgasm denial could seem like the opposite of fun. 

Don’t get us wrong — it isn’t for everyone. But it is fun to try if you’re down to play with your orgasm and try something different. While it might seem counterintuitive to abstain from climaxing, orgasm denial puts a unique spin on intimacy. 

While some people think orgasm denial is about withholding pleasure, it's actually the opposite. Electric anticipation builds up when you're kept on the brink. This kink transforms, intensifies, and prolongs the entire sexual encounter, even if you don’t orgasm at all.  

Non-binary, female, and male orgasm denial also introduces consensual power dynamics that many people love. In most cases, the dominant partner controls the submissive partner's climax through teasing and denial, and the elements of control and surrender contribute to sexual tension, trust, and desire. 

5 types of orgasm denial   

Orgasm denial reframes the entire concepts of arousal and climax for couples and solo artists alike. Instead of following the regular sexual response cycle — excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution — it denies the last two stages of the process, achieving a different kind of sexual pleasure. 

Techniques for this kink vary, each offering a distinct sexual experience culminating in delayed or no sexual gratification. Here are five types of orgasm denial to try: 

1. By yourself 

Take control of your own penile, G-spot, or clitoral orgasm with a solo session. Use your hands or a sex toy like a vibrator or dildo to bring yourself to the brink of orgasm repeatedly, but don't allow yourself full release. 

This exercise in self-discipline and arousal can deepen your understanding of how pleasure works for you and allow you to experiment with different sensations and types of stimulation. Enjoy the ride and appreciate all the benefits of masturbation that aren't the finish line. 

2. Together 

Learning to deny your partner's orgasm is a profoundly erotic act. In this dynamic, one partner (often the dominant one) dictates when, how, and if the other partner (usually the submissive one) may orgasm. 

This can involve anything from verbal commands, such as instructing your partner not to masturbate, to a chastity device like a chastity belt or cage. It could also just be repeatedly stimulating them with oral or penetrative sex and stopping right before they get to the finish line. 

3. With restraints

Handcuffs, ropes, and other bondage restraints add another dimension to orgasm denial. In this case, the submissive partner physically can’t touch themselves — and that sensory awareness can make the urge even stronger. They're at the complete and total mercy of the dominant partner, who doesn’t allow them to reach orgasm. 

4. Using a code word

This type of orgasm denial uses a specific word or signal that, when the dominant partner uses it, tells the submissive partner they’re allowed to climax. The dominant partner controls the submissive partner's orgasm by using the code word if they see fit, creating a steamy atmosphere of power exchange and psychological control. 

5. Under certain conditions 

Another way to practice orgasm denial is allowing climax under certain conditions only, often set by the dominant partner. These conditions can be anything you and your partner come up with, from performing certain foreplay and sexual acts (like dirty talk or intercourse) to getting certain chores done around the house. This method amps up the anticipation, helps introduce other kinks like role-play, and can help close the orgasm gap between partners.  

How to practice orgasm control: 4 tips

Orgasm denial can be a thrilling addition to your NSFW repertoire, but approach it with care. Here are a few critical considerations for ensuring everyone has a fun, safe, and pleasurable experience:

1. Consent  

Enthusiastic consent is vital to all healthy sexual encounters, and it's especially essential when power dynamics are at play. If you're practicing orgasm denial with a partner (or multiple), ensure everyone is enthusiastic about participating. Communication in any kind of relationship is also key, so don't forget to discuss everyone's desires, limits, and safe words regularly. 

2. Safety 

Prioritize physical and emotional safety during orgasm denial. Watch for distress in your partner, and if it seems like it’s too much for them, talk about it. It might take you out of the moment for a minute, but that’s so much better than going too far. The same goes if you’re the person experiencing denial — if it’s not working for you, speak up.

3. Boundaries 

Define your sexual boundaries with your partner before experimenting with orgasm control. Set limits on the scene and discuss each other's non-negotiables, like what positions you do and don’t like and how long you want denial to last. Boundaries evolve over time for many people, so keep the dialogue ongoing. 

4. Aftercare

Sexual aftercare is essential after an intense experience like orgasm denial. This can involve cuddling, snacking, and attending to any discomfort. Aftercare allows couples to reconnect emotionally and relax together, and it’s also the perfect chance to talk about how the experience went and what you’d change for next time.

Frequently asked questions  

Orgasm control is a common kink, but you may not understand everything you hear about it. Learn more about edging, forced orgasm, and ruined orgasm before your next night in.

What does edging mean?

Edging is bringing yourself or your partner to the brink of climax, then backing off, then repeating until you have an electrifying orgasm. This practice boosts sexual tension and pleasure by prolonging the build-up phase, making the final release much more powerful. It's different from orgasm denial because orgasm always happens with edging, while denial avoids it. 

What's a forced orgasm? 

Forced orgasm is about "forcing" a submissive partner to climax (with consent), often going beyond their limits of physical comfort. In this type of orgasm play, the submissive partner usually climaxes multiple or even many times. This involves intense, continuous stimulation. 

What's a ruined orgasm? 

A ruined orgasm happens when someone reduces or stops sexual stimulation precisely the moment the climax starts. This "ruins" the full sensation of the orgasm, with the participant often experiencing only a partial release. This technique is common in BDSM play, as it allows the dominant partner to take complete control. 

Enhance orgasm play with Quinn  

Enhance orgasm play and explore your fantasies with Quinn. Quinn's audio erotica platform was created by women for the world, and it's a safe, inviting space for listening to sexy stories by talented creators, alone or with a partner.  

To give it a try, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android and browse thousands of narrated sex stories, guided masturbation sessions, and playlists.