Some (men) might say that learning how to make a woman orgasm is as complicated and destined to fail as a mission to Mars.

But we like to think of the quest for pleasure as more of a treasure hunt. With a good map and better communication, it won’t take long to see that X marks the spot. The G-spot, that is… and the A-spot… and the C-spot…

So swap your shovels and metal detectors for sex toys and get ready to get lucky. This orgasm how-to will show you exactly where to dig for gold.

Understanding the female orgasm

First thing’s first: We’re referring to people with vaginas. Any parts can belong to anyone, so when we say “female orgasm,” we’re talking about any clit and vulva owners of any gender. 

The orgasms for penis-havers typically culminate in ejaculation, but the orgasmic response is much different for vaginas. While they don’t usually ejaculate when stimulated, someone instead experiences pelvic floor contractions, an increase in heart rate, and a release of endorphins and oxytocin. 

But ejaculation isn’t unheard of in people with vaginas. Arousal and orgasm can cause the Skene’s glands to produce a dense, milky fluid, which helps lubricate the genital area. And if the orgasm is powerful enough, some people even squirt, emitting a few tablespoons of clear liquid out of the urethra. 

The flip side is anorgasmia, a form of sexual dysfunction that includes delayed, infrequent, absent, or very weak orgasms, even after adequate stimulation and arousal. If you’ve never orgasmed, try the approaches outlined in this guide, and if nothing works, talk to your doctor about anorgasmia.

Making playtime more pleasurable: A 5-step guide

Want to pleasure yourself or a partner with a vagina? This guide can help get everyone in the mood and on the road to the big O.

1. Get on the same page

If you’re with a partner, talk about the experience first. Discuss desires, boundaries, and any potential concerns to create a foundation of trust and consent, which are both essential components of a healthy sexual relationship. Consent is a must, especially when exploring areas and techniques you haven’t previously played with as a couple. 

2. Learn the terrain

Before trying to make yourself or someone else orgasm, you need to understand the ins and outs of the vaginal anatomy and its many erogenous zones.

The vulva

“Vulva” is a sort of catch-all term for the external parts of the female genitalia. It includes the labia (lips), clitoris, and the openings to the urethra and vagina (introitus).

The clitoris

At the top of the vulva sits the clitoris, aka the C-spot — a bulb-shaped erogenous organ that’s packed with nerve endings and primed for pleasure.

The G-spot

Named for physician and sexologist Ernst Gräfenberg, the G-spot is a spongy, highly sensitive erogenous area located on the front wall of the vagina about two inches past the introitus.

The A-spot

The anterior fornix erogenous zone, aka the A-spot, is buried deep within the vaginal canal at about the same depth as you’d find the prostate in males. Like the G-spot, the A-spot is highly sensitive, and sexperts believe it’s an excellent source of natural lubrication.

The pelvic floor muscles

Along the bottom of the pelvis sits a group of muscles known as the pelvic floor muscles (aka the core). These muscles support the bladder, bowel, and uterus, and they contract upon climax. That’s why doing Kegels (pelvic floor exercises) can make orgasms feel more intense.

The anus

You might not think of the anus as a sex organ, but it’s surprisingly packed with nerve endings. Many people do experience sexual pleasure from anal stimulation, whether that’s rimming or deeper anal play.

3. Prepare for the journey with foreplay

Arousal is a critical piece of the female orgasm puzzle, so don’t overlook it. While many men can get a penile erection from watching a few minutes of porn, women often require both physical and mental stimulation to create a state of heightened sensitivity that prepares the body for sexual activity. 

Engaging in extended foreplay, exploring erotic fantasies, and using lube to reduce friction can all help stimulate arousal. Kissing and caressing are a good start, but if you want to increase the odds of orgasm, try something a little more involved, like oral sex, tantric meditation, or vaginal massage.

4. Pick a target

The vast majority of vagina-havers struggle to achieve orgasm from penetration alone. You’re likely to have much better luck by targeting individual erogenous zones. 

Here are four types of orgasms and strategies for achieving them. (Hint: Sex toys can help — just don’t forget the lube!)

Clitoral orgasm

It’s not too tricky to figure out how to stimulate the clit once you know where it is, and you might not even need a vibrator for this one. Apply light pressure to the clitoris in a circular motion with your fingers or tongue during masturbation, oral sex, or intercourse. You can also try moving your hips in a circle during missionary-style penetrative sex to stimulate the clitoral bulbs that sit on either side of the introitus. 

Clit vibrators are designed solely for clitoral stimulation, but many wand vibrators also apply just the right amount of concentrated buzz. Experiment and find what works.

Vaginal orgasm

If you target the G-spot, a hand may be all you need to trigger a vaginal orgasm. To find it, insert a finger into the vagina and make a “come hither” motion. You might notice a textured area that feels different from the surrounding tissue — that’s the legendary G-spot. Doggy style and reverse cowgirl are the best sex positions for targeting this hard-to-find erogenous zone.

A pocket vibe or standard dildo is unlikely to help you achieve this type of orgasm because it won’t hit the right spot. Instead, look for a G-spot vibrator that’s perfectly curved to find it. 

Nipple orgasm

For some people, nipple stimulation can lead to intense arousal and even climax, thanks to the plethora of nerve endings in the area. Gently pinching, licking, or sucking the nipples during foreplay or intercourse can enhance arousal and contribute to orgasm.

If you’re trying to make yourself orgasm and don’t know how to stimulate your nipples without an extra mouth or hand, the sex toy market has you covered. Look for nipple clamps and suckers that attach to the chest so you can keep your hands free for other fun.

Anal orgasm

You’ve probably heard how good prostate stimulation feels. In people with vaginas, the Skene’s glands are sometimes dubbed the “female prostate,” but that’s not what you’re targeting when you go in through the back door.

While it might seem scary at first, anal stimulation with a penis, finger, vibrator, anal beads, or butt plugs (and lots of lube!) can intensify an orgasm to a surprising degree. Who knows — it could just be the thing that helps you reach the finish line.

5. Keep practicing

If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again. Don’t assume you or your partner can’t orgasm if you don’t have luck the first time. For many people, climaxing is a skill. And as with any learned skill, practice makes perfect. 

That said, factors like stress, anxiety, and underlying medical conditions can make achieving orgasm a challenge. Someone who’s consistently unable to climax may be dealing with anorgasmia. If you’re worried, a sexologist or healthcare provider can help you address anorgasmia or other factors that may be affecting your sexual health. 

Stimulate your mind and body

Incorporating erotic literature or ethical porn into your foreplay and masturbation sessions can enhance arousal and feed the sexual fantasies that could help you cross the finish line. That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women, for the world. If you’re interested in sensory play, domination, or learning the art of multiple orgasms, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.