2011 was a big year for the friends-with-benefits trope. At the same time Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis were filming “Friends With Benefits,” Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman were playing friends who promise not to catch feelings in “No Strings Attached.” 

Not surprisingly, both rom-coms ended with the couples becoming more than friends — with plenty of strings attached. But those were fictional stories, which begs the question: Does “friends with benefits” ever work in real life?

It can, but it’s easy for things to get complicated when you start having casual sex with someone you care about. If you want to come out the other side with your heart and friendship intact, here’s what you need to know before diving in.

What does “friends with benefits” mean?

In an ideal world, friends with benefits (FWB) get to have hot sex with someone they know and trust — without the work and drama of a romantic relationship.

The arrangement often begins when two platonic friends realize they’re physically attracted to each other, but for one reason or another, they’re not interested in becoming romantically involved.

In other cases, the pair may initially become acquainted through casual sex, which blossoms into a friendship. The relationship develops into more than a booty call without crossing the line into commitment.

This sort of arrangement is often called a situationship. It’s not a full-blown relationship but more than just a one-night stand.

The most common types of friends with benefits  

Not all FWB relationships are created equal. Let’s break down the five most common scenarios:

• The best friends: When your go-to buddy becomes your “benefits” buddy, it’s like having your cake and eating it too.

• The backup plan: Think of this as the "in case of emergency, break glass" type of situation. You might not be each other’s first choice, but when neither of you has another love interest, spending the night together is better than being alone.

• The booty call buddy: When you’re not close friends but there’s enough attraction to prompt the occasional “you up?” text, sex may become the common interest that fuels an otherwise casual friendship.

• The unexpected friendship: Ever hooked up first and became friends later? It's like starting a book from the middle — exciting, unconventional, and so intriguing you have to jump back to the first page to find out what you missed.

• When less becomes more: Forget the traditional love story trajectory. In the FWB world, it's sometimes the other way around. First comes the fling, then … well, maybe something more. This type of FWB is like a test drive; you check out the ride before deciding whether you’re in it for the long haul.

Navigating any of these scenarios requires honesty, self-awareness, and a good sense of humor when sex is on the table. Remember, in the world of FWB, it's all about enjoying the ride with a clear understanding of where you're headed — even if the “where” is home alone.

Does it have to be a friend you already know?

Not necessarily. These days, finding a potential FWB partner can be as simple as swiping right. Dating apps like Tinder, OKCupid, or even specialized sites like FWB Dating Only can be a great place to find a sex partner who’s looking for the same level of commitment (or lack thereof). These platforms allow you to state your intentions in your profile, helping you connect with people who are looking for the same thing and filtering out those who aren't.

FWB: The pros and cons

Still not sure if a FWB relationship is right for you? It’s time to weigh the pros and cons.

Pros:

• No strings attached (at least in theory): You can enjoy the fun of physical intimacy without the commitment of a romantic relationship.

• Comfort and trust: Being with someone you already know can help you feel more comfortable and safe.

• Flexibility: Depending on the arrangement, you may enjoy the freedom to explore and connect with others while knowing you always have your FWB to fulfill your physical needs.

• Stress-free fun: You won’t feel as much pressure as you would with traditional dating, but you’ll still get a lot of the perks.

Cons:

• Emotional complications: You risk developing feelings that your friend doesn’t reciprocate or being on the receiving end of someone else’s unrequited love.

• Potential loss of friendship: If things go south, you might lose a valuable friend.

• Jealousy and misunderstandings: It’s easy to promise each other you won’t get jealous, but staying detached when you start sleeping with someone regularly can be a little more challenging.

• Social stigma: If friends or family who don’t understand FWB dynamics find out about your arrangement, they may make you feel judged.

8 rules for a friends-with-benefits relationship that works

Not every FWB couple will operate by the same set of rules. But if you want your situationship to have any chance of success without anyone getting hurt, you’ll both need to get on the same page about some very important details.

1. Establish clear boundaries

Work together to establish boundaries you can both agree on. Maybe sleepovers are a no-go, or public dates are off the table. Knowing the dos and don'ts will help prevent things from getting messy.

2. Discuss exclusivity

Some FWBs agree not to sleep with other people, while others are free to be intimate with whomever they want. Come to an agreement together, and then stick to it. They may not be your long-term significant other, but they still deserve your respect.

3. Leave your expectations at the door

The only fantasies that have any business in a FWB situationship are the sexual kind. Don’t get sexually involved with someone you fantasize about winding up with in the end — you might just get your heart broken.

4. Be safe

Always, always prioritize safe sex. Use condoms and get tested regularly for sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

5. Don’t act like you’re dating

This isn’t a hard-and-fast rule, but if you’re dead-set on maintaining the “casual” in your casual relationship, avoid situations that mimic traditional dating, like sleepovers, postcoital cuddles, and romantic dates. 

6. Be prepared for jealousy

Feelings can sneak up on you. If you start getting jealous or sense jealousy from your friend, it might be time to step back or have a heart-to-heart chat.

7. Avoid the “L” word

Steer clear of saying, "I love you." You’d be surprised how quickly those three little words will make things go from casual to complicated.

8. Expect the end

Most FWB relationships are short-lived, either fizzling out or ending abruptly when one person becomes more serious with someone else. Remember, they’re not Mr./Mrs./Mx. Right — they’re Mr./Mrs./Mx. Right Now.

How to have a healthy FWB relationship

FWB relationships often hover in a gray area between friendship and romance. Unlike a full-blown romantic relationship, these liaisons usually lack a strong emotional bond, but that doesn't mean they're devoid of feelings. 

Many people enter FWB arrangements seeking both physical and emotional closeness, albeit in a less intense form than a typical romantic relationship. But it's not uncommon for one partner to develop stronger feelings, hoping to transition the relationship into something more profound.

That’s what happened to the characters in the Kunis/Timberlake and Portman/Kutcher movies. But the odds of an IRL happy ending aren’t quite as good.

Keeping the lines of communication wide open and checking in on each other's feelings and expectations is a must, but the person you need to be most honest with is yourself. What are you truly hoping to get out of the arrangement? Are you willing to sacrifice your friendship if things don’t work out the way you want?

However you choose to proceed, be sure to stay true to your needs, be upfront with yourself and your friend, and brace for unexpected plot twists as you navigate this setup.

Quinn: The friend you can always count on

Whether you have a healthy FWB sitch, a committed partner, or are simply enjoying things solo, having a healthy sex life comes with its own set of benefits. If you’re looking for a friend to help you reap them, Quinn’s got your back.

Quinn is the audio erotica app created by women for the world. If you’re interested in dirty talk, sex in public, or friends-to-lovers tropes, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.