Picture this: You’re lying beside your partner after an intense sex session. The soft flicker of a candle reveals their contented smile as they nuzzle your neck and gently caress your naked back.

The sex was perfect. The orgasm was perfect. Your partner is perfect. So, why is your chest heavy with the overwhelming urge to cry?

Crying after sex is far more common than you may think. Here’s why you feel the urge — and what to do when it happens. 

Is it normal to cry after sex?

Nearly every participant in a 2020 survey said they’d experienced postcoital mood swings, tearfulness, or other unexpected feelings at least once since becoming sexually active — and yes, the study revealed that it’s just as possible to see a man cry after sex as a person of another gender. Some experienced these emotions after masturbating, but about a third of respondents only dealt with crying after an orgasm.

The goal of the study was to better understand a condition called postcoital dysphoria (PCD), also known as postcoital tristesse (PCT), which causes individuals to feel sad or irritable and sometimes cry after sex. But when researchers discovered that negative postcoital emotions affect most people at some point, they suggested that the medical community stop referring to the phenomenon as a condition.

We won’t use the word “normal” to describe these types of postcoital symptoms — saying crying after sex is normal suggests that it’s just something you have to grin and bear. But studies like this prove that these feelings are incredibly common, and they can happen for many reasons.

10 reasons people cry after sex

Sex isn’t just something that happens to your body. It’s a cocktail of physical, emotional, and psychological factors that can trigger feelings you didn’t expect. Here are some of the most common reasons why you might cry during sex or after.

1. Intense emotional release  

Sex can be a profound emotional experience. It's not just about the physical act — it's about the connection, the intimacy, and sometimes, the release of pent-up emotions. This intense emotional release can trigger tears as a way of processing deep feelings.

2. Happiness

People “happy cry” all the time — maybe for a life-changing promotion, the birth of a baby, or watching their beautiful spouse-to-be walk down the aisle. These tears of joy happen in the bedroom, too.

3. Pain

Pain during or after sex can make someone cry due to either physical discomfort or emotional distress. If you frequently experience pain related to sexual intercourse, you may have a condition called dyspareunia. Talking with a doctor can help you pinpoint the cause and remedy the issue.

4. Anxiety

Sex can be a great way to destress, but even sexual activity is sometimes stressful. When performance anxiety, worries about your relationship, or general life stress pile up, post-sex bliss might turn you teary-eyed.

5. A sense of overwhelming connection

Emotional or sexual intimacy can be strong enough that you feel overwhelmed. This sense of being deeply linked to another person can stir up feelings powerful enough to spill out as tears.

6. Hormonal changes

The same hormones responsible for arousal and orgasm act as the body’s mood DJ. Oxytocin, aka the “love hormone,” enhances feelings of trust and romantic attachment. Dopamine causes waves of intense pleasure, and prolactin helps you feel more relaxed. But this rush of hormones and endorphins can create a whirlwind of emotions, sometimes culminating in a few tears. Think of it as your body's way of recalibrating after a hormone high.

7. Unexpected emotional triggers

Sometimes, sex can trigger emotional memories or dig up strong feelings that previously lay dormant. Something as seemingly small as a scent, word, or even the touch of a certain body part can bring these emotions to the surface, leading to tears. Baring yourself to a partner may also make you feel vulnerable, potentially unleashing intense emotions, especially if you're unaccustomed to letting your guard down.

8. A sense of loss

Sex might remind you of what’s missing in your life or bring up past traumas. This sense of loss or grief can hit hard, leading to tears even after a seemingly perfect encounter.

9. Sexual shame

For some, the act of intercourse can lead to feelings of sexual shame and guilt, even when the sex is consensual. This could happen because of cultural or religious beliefs, or it could be as simple as acting on hormonal or emotional impulses and later regretting the decision.

10. Difficulty orgasming

If you have trouble climaxing, or if you feel unable to please your partner, you might feel unfulfilled or inadequate, which can cause feelings of sadness and may eventually lead to performance anxiety.

What to do if you experience crying after sex

Whether you’re dealing with post-orgasm weepiness or find that any form of sexual activity opens the floodgates, your emotional response says just one thing about you: You’re human. If crying after sex isn’t negatively affecting your sexual experiences or relationships, it’s OK to just feel your feelings without trying to “fix” the problem.

But if what you’re experiencing feels more like dysphoria — a state of unhappiness, unease, or dissatisfaction — your postcoital mood crash might be worth addressing. Here’s how.

Give it time

Time doesn’t heal everything, but you may find that just allowing yourself to sit with your feelings is the correct response. Don’t let your emotions cause you stress or self-judgment. Instead, acknowledge them, allow yourself time to process them, and wait a few minutes for the dark cloud to pass. 

Talk to your partner 

Communication is key in any relationship, and it's especially important here. Let your partner in on what you're feeling. It's not just about airing your emotions — it's about building a deeper understanding and connection. You might even find that a little extra sexual aftercare is all you need to lift your mood back up.

Practice self-care

Treat yourself! Whether it's a bubble bath, a favorite comfort movie, or just some quiet time, do something that makes you feel peaceful and relaxed. Self-care isn't selfish; it's essential, especially when dealing with emotional unrest.

See a doctor

If you regularly feel upset after intercourse or masturbation and find that it’s affecting your quality of life, you might have a condition like PCD. Talking to a sex therapist or other healthcare professional will help you determine if there’s a physical or psychological component to your tears. They can also offer guidance or treatment options to help you overcome — or at least cope with — the emotions you’re experiencing.

What to do if your partner cries after sex

If a partner has ever cried as you basked in that post-orgasm afterglow, you probably found yourself facing some negative emotions of your own. But don’t beat yourself up — there’s a good chance it’s not personal. Here’s what you can do to help.

Offer comfort

Instead of showing judgment or excessive concern, offer to cuddle, hold their hand, or just be present silently. Sometimes, the best support is knowing someone is there. You don't have to fix the situation — just showing you care goes a long way.

Don’t push sex on them

If your partner is crying after sex, this is definitely not the time to go for round two. Give them space and time to process their emotions. Sex should always be about mutual enjoyment and comfort, so if they're not feeling it, respect that and don't pressure them.

Respect their boundaries

Everyone has different needs when they're upset. Some might want to talk it out, while others prefer some alone time. Ask your partner what they need, and honor their wishes. It’s all about respecting their space and boundaries.

Don’t make it about you

Jumping to conclusions like “Did I do something wrong?” or “Don’t you find me attractive?” is a no-go. Your partner’s tears might have nothing to do with you or the quality of your bedroom skills. Even if you do play a role in what they’re feeling, give them the space to start that conversation when they’re ready.

Be an active listener

If and when your partner is ready to talk about why they’re crying, close your mouth and open your ears. Active listening means really hearing them out, not just waiting for your turn to speak. Be mindful of your body language, and offer small vocal responses to show that you hear what they’re saying without interrupting. Knowing you care enough to listen will help them feel understood and less alone in whatever they're going through.

Your partner in sexual health

We believe in the powerful role a healthy sex life plays in every individual’s happiness and well-being. That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world. If you’re interested in post-sex comfort and care, body appreciation, or developing a self-care routine, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.