Many expecting parents look forward to the day they’ll find out the sex of their baby. But people enter a gray area when they assume a baby’s sex and gender are the same.

The truth is your genitalia doesn’t dictate your identity. Perhaps you don’t feel like you fall into either camp of “man” or “woman,” or maybe you feel some connection with both. As our understanding of sex versus gender identities continues to evolve, many people may find themselves asking a complicated — but very important — question: Am I nonbinary?

It’s important to know that no one but you can tell you if you’re nonbinary. That said, we’re here to help answer some of the questions you might have as you explore your gender identity and learn about this term.

What does nonbinary mean?

“Nonbinary” is what people call themselves when they don’t identify as a man or a woman. This identity exists outside the traditional gender binary of male or female. Nonbinary is also a popular label among those who don’t identify as “cisgender,” which is the term for someone who identifies with the same gender they were assigned at birth.

Is being nonbinary the same as being trans?

You can be trans and nonbinary, but the words don’t mean the same thing. “Transgender,” which many people shorten to “trans,” is a broad term for people who don’t identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. While some transgender folks might consider themselves nonbinary, others may firmly identify as the gender opposite of what their birth certificate lists and, therefore, wouldn’t consider themselves nonbinary.

What about intersex people?

At birth, an intersex person has a variation of biological characteristics (like chromosomes, hormones, or sex organs) from both sexes, meaning they don’t align solely with either the male or female sex. Since the bodies of intersex people naturally defy the strict gender binary, some consider themselves part of the nonbinary community. But not everyone who’s intersex identifies with other gender minorities; the nonbinary label only applies to the intersex people who willingly claim it.

Gender versus sexual orientation: What’s the difference?

While many nonbinary folks consider themselves part of the LGBTQ+ community, which includes lesbian, gay, and bisexual people, it’s important to recognize the differences between gender and sexual orientation.

Your gender identity is all about your inner sense of self. Man, woman, or nonbinary — that’s all gender territory.

Sexual orientation, on the other hand, describes who you’re attracted to, whether it’s men, women, multiple genders, or no genders at all. Like cisgender people, those who call themselves nonbinary can be straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or any other sexuality. One label doesn’t dictate the other, and you should never make assumptions about anyone’s orientation based on their gender identity or vice versa.

8 types of nonbinary identities

Gender identity is a spectrum encompassing a range of experiences, and individuals who identify as nonbinary may also connect with other identities within this spectrum. Here are a few other nonbinary labels you might encounter and their meanings.

1. Agender

If you don’t identify with any gender, agender might be the label for you. The “a-” in “agender” is a prefix that means “not” or “without.” So, if you’re agender, you could also say you’re genderless or gender-neutral.

2. Bigender

Bigender people identify equally with both of the binary genders. They’re not just male or just female — they’re both!

3. Genderqueer

Genderqueer means your gender “queers” the norm — in other words, your identity sits outside the rigid boxes of the gender binary. For some people, that means they’re fluid, moving between male and female identities. Others consider themselves genderqueer because they never identify with a single gender.

4. Genderfluid

The genderfluid label, sometimes shortened to “fluid,” describes someone who moves between gender identities. They might switch between feeling male and female, or they might feel bigender one day and agender the next.

5. Demigender

The “demi-” prefix means “half.” A demigender person identifies partially but not completely with one gender. You’ll sometimes hear demi people refer to themselves as demigirl/demiwoman, demiboy/demiman, or even colloquial labels like demigal and demiguy.

6. Androgyne

The word “androgyne” comes from the adjective “androgynous,” which means man (andró) and woman (gyné) in Greek. Some people call themselves androgynes because they want a body that’s neutral or “between” genders. Others adopt an androgynous gender presentation, identifying physically with their assigned-at-birth gender but dressing or acting like the opposite gender as a form of expression. 

7. Two-Spirit

Most labels on this list are free for the taking — if they resonate with you, you can use them. But that’s not the case with Two-Spirit. This identity is deeply rooted in North American Indigenous cultures. A Two-Spirit individual embodies unique blends of traditionally understood feminine and masculine energies.

8. Fa’afafine

In Samoan cultures, fa'afafine is a label given to assigned-male-at-birth (AMAB) individuals whose gender expression and social roles embody elements typically associated with both femininity and masculinity. It's a deeply valued identity with historical roots distinct from contemporary Western understandings of nonbinary or transgender identities.

For the most part, choosing a label is entirely up to you and how you feel. Agender versus nonbinary? Nonbinary versus genderfluid? Only you can make that decision. 

However, culture-specific identities are the exception. If you’re not part of the Native or Samoan communities, calling yourself Two-Spirit or fa’afafine is inappropriate and inaccurate.

Do nonbinary people have to change pronouns?

If you identify as nonbinary, your preferred pronouns are entirely up to you! While many nonbinary people may favor gender-neutral pronouns like they/them, others choose to go by he/him, she/her, or both. You can even opt for neopronouns created specifically to go beyond the gender binary, like ze/hir and xe/xem.

How do you know if you’re nonbinary?

No medical test or magic formula can tell you if you’re nonbinary or not. But here are some questions that can help guide your self-discovery:

• Do you have a nagging feeling that the gender on your birth certificate just doesn’t seem right?

• Do you squirm when people refer to you with traditional pronouns (like she/her or he/him)?

• Do you feel uncomfortable dressing or acting in a way that aligns with your assigned-at-birth gender?

• Do clothes, styles, or mannerisms that go beyond the traditional gender roles make you feel more like yourself?

• If you could switch genders with the snap of your fingers, would you?

Don’t worry if you answered no to some or all of these questions — they’re just a guide to get you thinking. If calling yourself nonbinary (or one of the identities under the nonbinary umbrella) feels more accurate than going by the male or female label you were born with, that’s all the confirmation you need.

It’s also OK — smart, even — to experiment. Try changing the way you dress and refer to yourself to find what feels comfortable to you. You can even take some of the neopronouns we mentioned for a spin.

Adopting a new identity doesn’t mean you’re locked in for life. Just listen to yourself and do what feels right for you — not what you think you should be doing.   

Practice self-love with Quinn

Feeling confused about your identity can take a toll on your self-esteem. At Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world, we’re all about celebrating love for people of every gender and sexuality. But the most important person to love is yourself. 

If you’re interested in positive affirmations, improving your self-esteem, or learning how to love your body, Quinn’s wide range of content is a great place to start. To access thousands of audio stories and guided sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.