Shape

The Exchange Student

The heft of Jimmy’s body lay on top of mine, generally lifeless save the occasional gastrointestinal grumble and vague pumpings he was making inside of me. Twenty years of marriage, and I’m sorry – I know when you’re with someone that long we’re supposed to do the work and go to a sex counselor, or get a furry toy thing, or some edible underwear or whatever – but there was just no rescuing the paltry, boring humdrum our sex life had devolved into. We were aging of course, but that wasn’t the issue. We both still had sex drives, I especially was constantly craving a good fuck. The problem was Jimmy’s fundamental lack of creativity, and I had gotten tired of compensating for it. There were only so many times I could suggest a new position or location, or for God’s sake was it asking too much for him to say something other than, “That feels good?” I was at my wit’s end. 

The most frustrating aspect, the thing that was causing me horrible internal agony, was that I loved Jimmy. Terribly. He was my life partner, and divorce wasn’t an option. This younger generation, they’re all doing this “open” thing. Sounds enticing to me, but Jimmy? That would devastate him. Besides, not to be harsh, but I don’t think he’d have so much luck playing the field these days. Me, though? Recent events had led me to believe I might still have what it takes to wet some appetites. 

There’d been a development in our home life. An addition, as it were. The university where Jimmy worked ran an exchange program, and we’d decided to host a student for the first time. Edvin was assigned to us, a Finnish graduate student of the same bioengineering program that Jimmy taught at. He was twenty-five and it was his first time in the states. When we picked him up from the airport I had to turn my body away from Jimmy so he couldn’t see how…affected I was. Because I was affected at the sight of Edvin. Very. Affected. Do you know the sensation of being so immediately turned on that it’s as though someone has taken a spark plug to your clit and a warm current of electricity is burrowing between your legs? I almost couldn’t speak I was so taken by him. My cheeks were flushing, sweat was beginning to bloom in my armpits. What was wrong with me? I felt a twinge of sadness, realizing how many years – decades, really – had passed since Jimmy had elicited the same carnal desire in me. 

When we got home I feigned a headache and locked myself in the bedroom so I could furiously masturbate before I actually burst into flame. As I massaged my lips, sliding one, then two, then three fingers into my slippery opening, flicking my clit with the back of my pointer finger, pinching it and burrowing my palm against its base as I finger fucked myself, I closed my eyes and thought of Edvin. When we picked him up from the airport he’d just endured the flight from hell, but somehow the exhaustion had made him all the sexier. His hair was chin-length and tucked behind his ears, so blonde it was almost white. His eyebrows, too – so blonde as to almost be gone. His eyelashes were the same, and he had no facial hair. But his eyes were a brown so crisp they nearly glowed, like sunstones at high noon. Contrasted with the rest of his visage they were striking. Something about him seemed nearly alien, but also screamed sex. His cheekbones rode high on his face, and his shoulders stretched broad against the white of his T-shirt. He wore slim cut white pants, and I couldn’t help myself from noticing the bulge that sat inside of them. Edvin’s ass was pert and round, and his arms were traced over with tattoos in a script I didn’t recognize but later learned was Romani. As we introduced ourselves, our eyes lingered on one another’s and he leaned in to remove a bit of lint from my hair. I caught a whiff of anise on him. Another warming between my legs.

Did I know then we were going to fuck? Yes. Did I hope for it? Yes. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. 

Before you judge me for premeditating a casual affair – don’t. I’m not the first, I won’t be the last, and there are reasons for that. Very human reasons. Reasons involving self-preservation. I’m not proud. But what Edvin was able to conjure inside of me? The ways he made me writhe and scream and feel parts of my body I’d not felt open in years? That’s a self I’d thought was lost. And there’s been something spiritual about rediscovering this version of me. 

It happened almost immediately, and I’m not flattering myself when I say that there was some real chemistry there. Neither of us pursued the other. It just happened, as fluidly as it was always going to. A few weeks into Edvin’s stay, Jimmy left for a month long trip to Chicago. Guest teacher, something like that. I didn’t keep track anymore. Edvin was showing me how to make Finnish cabbage rolls in the kitchen. As I watched him delicately steam individual leaves and explain to me the correct ratio of herbs to meat, I was becoming more and more heated. He was gorgeous. He was in my kitchen expertly crafting a delicate, beautiful meal. The way the overhead lamp was hitting him made him look like an actual sculpture. I was hot between my legs, and my appetite had been diverted. I wasn’t hungry for cabbage rolls anymore. 

I let myself stand close to him, close enough that when I exhaled I was sure he could feel it on his skin. He had goose bumps.

“Are you cold?” I asked. He looked at me sideways, limp cabbage leaf in hand. 

“Uh, no not cold. Perhaps a bit nervous.” He grinned at me, and his teeth gleamed, eyes catching flecks of lights that shone like bits of gold. Everything about him glowed. 

I laughed. “Please, don’t tell me these cabbage rolls are giving you anxiety. Grad students have enough of that. We can always order takeout.”

“No, this I’ve done a thousand times, it’s muscle memory. But of course I’m nervous cooking for so beautiful a woman. That is different.” It was the first time I saw a twinge of color in his pale cheeks. I felt a surge of desire. Seeing men nervous and flushed for my sake had always turned me on. I put my hand on top of his and held his gaze, saying nothing, just looking at him. I wanted to see what he would do. Cough and turn away? Brush me off? Pin me to the counter and fuck me till I saw stars? I was leaving the ball in his court.

In the end it was sweet, actually, the way he handled my advance. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and held my head lightly, letting his fingers tangle gently in my hair. He returned my gaze, unblinking. And then he kissed me. 

It was me who pinned him against the counter, and I held the back of his neck, squeezing slightly to give him just a little rush. I lifted one leg, propping my foot against the counter’s edge and leaned in, letting my crotch ride against his. I circled my hips, grinding against the belt buckle that separated us. I felt him harden, and I let one strap of my dress fall off my shoulder. 

“Edvin,” I whispered, “I don’t think this is what the exchange program had in mind. But this is -”

Before I could finish his mouth was on mine, breathing my words and reminding me that kissing could be so much more than the dry peck I was used to from Jimmy. Edvin’s lips seemed to take the time to actually feel my own. He kissed me hard and then slow, pulling back, letting his mouth just graze mine before biting me lightly on the lower lip. My hands were at his belt buckle, frantically working to free him. His cock sprung out when all the clothing was finally moved to the side, and I gasped at holding another man, a man other than Jimmy, for the first time in decades. I was ecstatic. Something sincere and electric was coursing through my marrow in a way that was beyond simple desire. It was the realization that I was feeling again, was returning to my body in a way that reminded me I wasn’t dead yet, blood did still course through my veins, and there was power in my sexuality. I pushed Edvin onto the kitchen floor.

He groaned as I straddled him, not bothering to take off my dress as I maneuvered his hardness inside of me. Wet? I’d forgotten what it was to be this wet. I pumped up and down, guiding the tip of his cock to the spot inside of me that swole with pleasure when hit at just the right angle. I braced myself against his chest, hands taking fistfuls of the T-shirt he still wore. That first night I came unexpectedly and in a quick burst. Me, the one unable to keep themselves from orgasming after only a few minutes of frantically riding dick. This was new to me. I slipped off him, smiling. We ate cabbage rolls. I promised myself the next time would be more thorough.

A week later Edvin needed to be driven across town for a residency he was starting. This was a formative moment for him, and an integral step in his graduate studies. Jimmy was still in god-knows-where. In the meantime, Edvin and I hadn’t spoken a word to each other about what had happened the night of the cabbage rolls. We’d been circling each other in the house, hmm-ing and whispering, “Good morning” but avoiding the glaring, trembling elephant in the room. We’d fucked. Heavily. And it was unfinished business, because everything about it had been so charged and palpable that it was rushed. Too quick. A hunger that consumed too rapidly. I wanted to take him slow, really take him to the edge of longing and then make the plunge together. Last time was hot. I came in a way that was devastating, body-shaking. But that wasn’t all I wanted out of Edvin. 

We were in the car. It was hot out, early fall and still hitting 90 in Northern California. I wore shorts, something I’d shied away from since turning 45, but fuck it. It was fucking hot outside. I was beginning to realize the many ways I’d willed my body toward something other than it could ever be – a self that was shimmering, but never sweaty. An expert at hiding encroaching stretch marks and wrinkles, but depriving myself of the most blessed sensation – air on skin! Why shouldn’t I wear shorts? My body was 45 years old and in its own, personal way, complete. I stretched my legs wide over the hot leather of the seat below me, hitting the gas just a little too hard. I felt powerful. I felt beautiful, and not just on account of my body. Something inside of me was throbbing. It was an energy that could captivate, engage. Him. He wanted me. I could feel him staring, trying not to, but catching glimpses of my bare inner thighs and then coughing. Still we hadn’t spoken of it, the moment when I took him inside of me. Perhaps we didn’t need to. Perhaps it was outside of that. 

I came to a halt outside the building where his residency was happening. A lab. One of many in town. Anonymous concrete. I hated to think of him disappearing inside. I looked over and took in his shoulders, the way they stretched against the black fabric of his T-shirt. His shirt was riding up slightly, and an inch of skin was visible over the buckle of his jeans. A whispery trail of hair led down and inside his pants. I had to look away. That was always the part of a body that moved me most. Bellies. Bless them. 

“Thank you for the ride.”

“Of course.”

Our eyes locked. I let mine linger over the swell of his lips, and before I could correct my staring his mouth was on mine. He tasted of pine and lemon, and his tongue flicked against me gently. I took his face in my hands, letting my palms feel the line of his jaw, the graceful arc of his cheekbones. This time I was the one tucking hair behind his ears, and as I leaned in for another kiss he began working his way down. My neck. His breath hot against my clavicle. Panting. My shoulders. He kissed and licked, let his tongue trace along my collarbone. My back arched and my body pressed toward him. 

We were in a parking lot at high noon. Anyone could see us. I didn’t care. 

Edvin kissed lower and lower, his body beginning to hunch over the gearshift between us. I turned so I was sitting sideways in the driver’s seat and facing him, my legs pulled up on the leather and opened slightly. He moved forward, his body straining to reach me. 

“I know I’m going to be late but I don’t fucking care,” he breathed, looking up at me through a mess of white hair. He paused, something almost pained in his eyes. “You radiate. It almost hurts to look at you.” And then his head was down again, buried this time between my thighs. He kissed the soft insides, pinching slightly on the tender skin. Biting. Not hard. Just enough. I was melting beneath him. The way he was touching me…Jimmy hadn’t thought to caress me like that since I don’t know when. My mind flashed to Jimmy. Was it possible one of his colleagues would see us? The thought vanished as I felt one of Edvin’s fingers slip up under my shorts and begin to move over my clit through my underwear. Another finger. Three. His whole hand worked inside of my shorts over the folds of my pussy, and my clit was throbbing with need. I needed him. I needed to come in rollicking waves over the hard edge of his dick again, feel myself contract and pulse in that way that reminded me I was alive. I scrunched down, hoping my head was out of sight. Propriety could wait. 

Edvin worked my shorts off with a finesse that impressed me given the space we were in. I thought briefly of what I was wearing underneath, how I wished I’d put on something less…frumpy, but Edvin was kissing me through that fabric, working his fingers around the band at the top, and soon they were off. Worries be damned. 

My legs spread open before him, all of me illuminated by a ray of sun that was bending through the windshield. My pussy, it really did glow. I blushed, seeing myself through another person’s eyes. A sultry heat was burning between my legs, and I could feel my clit harden. I knew it wouldn’t take much for me to come. I was already straddling that brink. 

He kissed my thighs again, letting a finger trace down the length of them and then took me in his mouth. I moaned and my hips buckled up against his face. I could hear how wet I’d become by the audible slurping happening. He did what I love best – he sucked on my clit. Took the whole thing in his mouth and just sucked. Hard. Most guys I’d been with didn’t get it. Those nerve endings reach far below the mere tip of the clitoris. It’s like an iceberg, and all you can see is the top, but passages of pleasure are possible if you come from a different angle, or work the base, or suck like you’re pleasuring someone with a cock. I felt waves of velvet tingling through the whole of my vagina, lips and clit and slit all buzzing with the vibration that Edvin was humming into me. 

He slipped one finger into me, two, three. Nearly all of his hand was stretching me. I looked down and saw the muscle of me bending to contain him, swallowing his hand into my depths. Fuck, that was hot. He was still sucking, lapping, licking me. Every now and then he would swallow. Drinking me. I pushed his head back suddenly, right when I knew if he kept going I would come bright and hot against him, and I wanted to continue riding this wave of pleasure as long as I could. 

Edvin looked at me knowingly and unbuckled his jeans. I climbed over the center console and straddled him, letting the curtain of my hair sweep over our faces. Maybe that would mask us. But honestly, I didn’t care anymore. Nobody was around that I could see, and this was an experience I wasn’t going to deny myself. I was still wearing my button down and Edvin worked the buttons open, exposing my chest and stomach. My bra I didn’t bother to take off, but just pulled my breasts out of the cups and let them sit pushed up and pert over the bra’s edge. Edvin groaned. He took one hard nipple in his mouth and let his tongue travel in circles over the tip. I inhaled deeply. He was taking more of my breast in his mouth now, almost gagging himself with it. He was. He was gagging himself. He was sucking, inhaling my flesh, and when his face was beginning to purple along the edges he finally pulled back, heaving. There was the start of a hickey above my areola. My first thought was to be upset, but what did I care? Jimmy wouldn’t see it, that’s for sure. 

I had his hardness in my hands and was stroking him up and down with one, squeezing his balls slightly with the other. When neither of us could take it anymore I lifted my hips up and sat down on him. His hotness filled me, and I heard myself groan as though from a place outside my body. I began to pump up and down slowly, letting myself feel my cunt expand around him and then retract as he slipped out. Both of us were soaking with my cum. I worked him harder, up and down, up and down, my head beginning to bob against the ceiling of the car. The car was rocking with us, poor thing. Edvin’s head was rolled back and his eyes were locked on the ceiling, his mouth suspended in an open O. His hands were holding my back from underneath my shirt, pinching my skin and lifting my hips up and down. 

I pulled off of him for a second to catch my breath and began working my clit with my fingers. Now, now I was too close to deny myself. I mounted him again and locked eyes with Edvin. He slipped in and out of me, slick and hard and long. Me, so wet I could feel cum dripping onto my thighs. I gripped the back of Edvin’s neck with one hand while still pleasuring myself with the other. This was it. I rocked into him, hard, letting him hit me as deep as possible as I took myself to the brink and then over. My orgasm traveled through the core of my body, beginning between my legs and bringing lighting to my stomach, my head, down my thighs. I collapsed against Edvin, and felt something sticky leaking out of me.

“You too?” I grinned into his hair. He was hyperventilating, his shirt sticking to his chest with sweat. His arms were still wound about me and I stayed straddling him, feeling him become soft inside of me. I wanted to take a nap like that. We separated, smoothed our clothes, looked at the stickiness we’d made and I tried to dry Edvin’s lap and shirt with an old sweater from the backseat. My whole body felt raw and tingly. I ran my hands through my hair, looked over at Edvin. He opened the door, gathering his backpack.

“Pick you up at five?” I asked. He grinned, leaned in to kiss me. 

“Maybe you can help me with my homework later.”