What is sex positivity?

It's sending that "U up?" text at 2 am just because you want to.

It's waiting until you're ready to have sex, even if that means until marriage. 

It's discussing kink and practicing it consensually and enthusiastically with a partner. 

Sex positivity is all about embracing your sexuality in a safe, healthy, and shame-free way — and giving others space to do the same. 

Sex positive: Meaning 

Sex positivity is all about being sexually liberated, meaning you enjoy and explore your sexuality without feeling pressure to conform to the “norm.” This movement is a response to traditional cultural ideas around sex, which are often steeped in sexual shame and repression. 

Sexual positivity has its roots in the early 1930s, when psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich first used the term “sexual revolution.” He wanted to describe the power of the orgasm to let go of tension and express authentic happiness and love, shedding the stuffy attitudes of the time. 

The 1960s and 1970s sexual revolution saw a resurgence in the sex positivity movement alongside two newcomers: the LGBTQ+ and feminist movements. And in the 2020s, this movement is gaining traction again in light of policy changes affecting queer, trans, and racialized people, as well as sex workers.  

Sex positivity champions the idea that all consensual sexual activities are, at their core, fundamentally healthy and pleasurable. There’s nothing wrong with liking what you like and expressing your sexuality, as long as everyone involved is having a good time. This contrasts older societal narratives that framed sex as taboo and centered abstinence-only sex education. 

A positive sexual mindset is essential when it comes to facing the historical stigmatization of sex, but it’s also a key player in your individual experience. It can help you recognize your biases and figure out who your sexual self is at your core — without worrying about judgment.  

How to be sex-positive: 9 tips

A whole range of factors shapes your view of sex, voiced and internal. These include the education you receive, the cultural norms you're around, and your community’s words and actions. If you grow up in an anti-LGBTQ+ environment, chances are that influenced your view on the queer community, and sex positivity can help you unpack that.

Letting go of the things you were taught to embrace a more sex-positive approach fosters healthy sexuality, self-esteem, and self-acceptance — both for you and the people around you. To be more sex-positive in everyday life, try these tips:  

1. Avoid judging others 

A fundamental aspect of sex positivity is not judging others for their sexual choices, gender identity, or sexual orientation. Sexuality is profoundly personal and diverse, and not everyone enjoys the same things. To be more sex-positive, work toward understanding and appreciating that everyone's sexual journey is unique. Even if you don’t relate to someone’s experience, you can respect it.

2. Prioritize safe sex  

Safe sex is an absolutely critical part of being sexually active. Use contraceptive methods like male condoms, female condoms, and the birth control pill to protect yourself and your partners from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unwanted pregnancies. Get tested regularly and keep the lines of communication open with your partners about your sexual health.

3. Explore your fantasies

Be open to learning about and embracing your sexual tastes, whether that's kink or more vanilla pursuits. Don’t be afraid to experiment — you might surprise yourself. This is a vital part of sex positivity that gives you permission to explore what you find pleasurable without shame or guilt. Exploring your wants can lead to more satisfying sex, so why not?  

4. Cultivate body positivity 

Develop a more positive relationship with your body. It’s sometimes easier said than done, but appreciating your body as a source of pleasure and joy — regardless of societal beauty standards — is a form of sex positivity that can help you let go of your hang-ups and have better sex. 

5. Respect boundaries 

Always respect boundaries. Consent for any and all sexual activity is a relationship non-negotiable, whether you're dating casually or in a committed long-term scenario. Sex positivity is understanding and honoring everyone's limits during sex, including saying “no” without guilt. 

This rule should spill over into the rest of your life. You might love talking about your Friday hookup, but if a friend doesn’t want to hear it, respect their boundary. Your partner might love touching your butt in public, but if you prefer to save it for the bedroom, say so. Boundaries take all shapes and forms.

6. Support sexual education  

Another aspect of sex positivity is advocating for comprehensive sexual education. Sex ed should cover the full spectrum of sexuality, including consent and different types of relationships — and it can set kids and teens up to make healthier choices later on in life. The sex-positive movement advocates for sexual education that avoids guilt, shame, and abstinence-only approaches (because they don’t work). 

7. Identify and question your prejudices  

No matter how progressive or open you are, you have internal biases, and recognizing and challenging them requires self-awareness. 

Ask yourself if and why you feel uncomfortable about certain sexual practices and lifestyles to understand the root of these feelings. This could be anything from frowning upon DDLG dynamics to thinking vanilla sex is dull and boring. Societal norms and personal experiences shape our views, and questioning these instincts is how you become more tolerant, non-judgmental, and inclusive. 

8. Educate yourself

Knowledge is power, and you don’t know what you don’t know. Learn more about human sexuality by reading books, following sex-positive creators, and staying up-to-date with what’s going on in the world of sexual health. You might find there’s more to learn than you thought.

9. Question the traditional porn industry  

In some cases, traditional porn presents a narrow, unrealistic portrayal of sex. Exploring alternative erotic content, like Quinn's audio erotica, can offer more diverse, authentic, and inclusive depictions that both educate and titillate. Ethical porn aligns more with sex-positive values and presents a way more realistic view of what sex actually looks like. 

3 bad habits to avoid

Some attitudes and behaviors work against sex positivity's inclusiveness and open-mindedness. These behaviors, often stemming from perceiving sex as inherently harmful, perpetuate a cycle of shame and judgment — also known as sex negativity. 

It’s more common than you think. One survey found that 55% of women stated they chose not to talk about sex with their partner, and over 40% felt uncomfortable discussing sexual details. Avoiding discussions about sex, whether with partners or friends, can close off important conversations and lead to an echo chamber of negativity.

The following practices work against sex positivity, so if you spot yourself falling into these bad habits, it’s time to check yourself.  

1. Slut-shaming 

Slut-shaming is criticizing or mocking people — who typically, but not always, identify as women — for their sexual behavior or appearance. This practice is a form of sexual judgment, linking someone’s sexual expression to stupidity or promiscuity. 

Slut-shaming is the antithesis of sex positivity, and it reinforces outdated notions about sexual expression. It's so ingrained in today's culture you might be slut-shaming without realizing it. This could look like thinking someone’s a slut because of what they wear or an assault is a survivor’s fault because they’ve slept with a lot of people. When you find yourself criticizing someone’s sexuality, think about where that’s coming from and whether that thought is valid. Chances are, it isn’t.

2. Judging  

Forming opinions about someone's character, worth, or identity based on their sexual choices is inappropriate. No one's sexual practices are anyone's business but their own (and their partners), and judgments like these may stem from ingrained societal prejudices. Judging someone negatively based on sex ignores the beautiful diversity of sexuality. 

3. Associating sex with guilt  

Internalizing negative beliefs about sex can cause feelings of shame and guilt, which are symptoms of sexual repression. Feeling guilty about normal, healthy sexual wants, needs, and activities can stem from cultural, religious, or familial teachings labeling sex as immoral or inappropriate outside specific scenarios (like marriage). 

Don’t put yourself down because of your sexual feelings or activities. Masturbation and experimentation are normal, and as long as everyone involved consents to what you’re doing, there’s nothing wrong with you.

Explore sex positivity with Quinn

The Quinn app is a sex-positive platform for exploring your fantasies and desires, no matter where you are in your positivity journey. 

Quinn's audio erotica is a unique and ethical way to engage your authentic sexual self. It prioritizes imagination, diversity, and authenticity, serving as a tool for developing a healthy sex life. You’ll find content from a wide variety of creators, including narrated sex stories, guided masturbation sessions, and playlists. Download Quinn for iOS or Android today.