Relationships
What Is Casual Dating? A Guide to Keeping Things Non-exclusive
What is casual dating? This guide describes the ins and outs, including the differences between polyamory, friends with benefits, and hook ups.
By Quinn · January 4, 2024 · 7 min read
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Dipping your toes back into the dating pool after a hiatus can leave you feeling a little uneasy.
Whether you’ve just exited a serious relationship, are going full-throttle with your career, or simply don’t feel the urge to settle down, the bottom line is you’re really not looking for commitment — but you’re looking for something.
Enter: The casual relationship.
What is casual dating? It's low commitment (with potential) and perfect for getting reacclimated to the dating scene while you figure out what you want long-term.
Casual dating is best described as a non-committed arrangement between two (or more) people that allows physical, emotional, and sexual connections to grow outside the constraints of an exclusive or committed relationship.
This form of dating (sometimes called a “situationship”) allows people to explore multiple connections simultaneously. It's about enjoying getting to know someone without the pressure of being locked into a serious relationship but still involves genuine interest and enjoyment of each other's company. This approach to dating may also involve having casual sex with one or multiple casual partners.
With casual dating, there's an understanding that it may not lead to a long-term partnership, and many people who partake don't want something serious. By keeping things chill, everyone involved can do things on their own, explore other dating opportunities, and set their own pace and dating rules.
This approach to dating may be extra appealing when life feels too fast-paced. When commitments to family, friends, and work need to take center stage, dating casually is fun and refreshing.
Before diving into a situationship, consider your relationship goals. Ask yourself, “What am I seeking in a relationship right now? What is my ideal romantic connection with another person? Where do I see myself in six months, one year, three years?”
If long-term commitment doesn't align with your current priorities or lifestyle — and that's totally normal — casual dating might work for you. Being honest with yourself about your feelings toward commitment is critical. Are you comfortable with dating non-exclusively? Can you handle the emotions that may arise, including jealousy or insecurity?
Casual dating keeps things light and easy but also requires emotional intelligence, clear communication, and excellent etiquette. These qualities will help you maintain transparency with your casual dating partners and respectfully navigate any feelings that come up on either side.
And take some time to truly consider if casual dating will fulfill you emotionally, and remember that it's supposed to be fun, not confusing or stressful. If you find yourself mostly jealous or insecure, not feeling fun and flirty, casual dating might not be for you.
Casual dating offers a range of fantastic benefits, whether you're commitment-cautious due to heartbreak or a free spirit who wants to keep things light. Here's the lowdown on why you might want to keep it casual:
You can casually date just one person or multiple people — it all depends on what setup works best for you. This lets you enjoy the company of however many partners you like without the pressure of exclusivity. It's dating without the demands and might be the perfect setup for keeping your options open.
Casual dating can be your personal relationship laboratory. It's an excellent way to experiment and figure out what you want, whether that's a committed long-term partner or remaining unattached. And if you do eventually want a long-term relationship, it gives you room to identify the kind of qualities you want in your long-term partner as you meet new people.
This setup facilitates self-discovery by maximizing independence and minimizing commitment, providing you with the flexibility to discern the relationship dynamics that suit you best.
When you date casually, your love life doesn't overshadow your personal and professional goals. It's about maintaining space in your relationships, whatever that means to you, giving you ample time to focus on other areas of your life. Casual dating lets you balance personal freedom with romantic and sexual fulfillment, which is why so many people go for it.
Casual dating might seem like all fun and no fuss, but it does have its downsides. If you're considering going the casual route, here's a quick reality check:
Sometimes, dates feel more like auditions than anything else. Casual dating can, unfortunately, become a loop of surface-level encounters that some people don't enjoy. While casual dating doesn't always lack depth and intimacy, it does happen. Knowing this upfront can help you decide if this is the right dating path for you.
When you're dating casually, some people play by different rules. Your idea of keeping it light and playful may not match your date's, and their idea of non-commitment might differ from yours. Navigating differing expectations can be challenging, to say the least — but when you meet the right person (or people), it does get easier.
Without the commitment to dig deeper, conversations with casual dating partners can sometimes include non-committal texts and last-minute plans. This may leave you guessing about others' intentions and lead to misunderstandings. Casual dating success requires stellar communication to make sure no one’s feelings get hurt.
To recap, casual dating involves seeing one or multiple people romantically and sexually without expecting commitment. Knowing this, here's how casual dating differs from other non-traditional relationship forms:
Polyamory is consensual non-monogamy. It’s similar to an open relationship and typically involves having multiple partners, long or short-term, with knowledge and consent from everyone involved. It often (but not always) goes beyond casual dating to incorporate deeper emotional bonds. According to research, 4%–5% of the population practices polyamory.
With friends with benefits, the name says it all. A FWB arrangement blends trust and comfort with sexual intimacy. Unlike casual dating, friends with benefits implies an ongoing sexual relationship with a friend, minus the romance.
Exclusive dating is a step toward a more serious relationship. While it shares some similarities with casual dating, people in an exclusive relationship typically agree not to see others. This commitment often indicates the intention for the relationship to last long-term, complete with a deep emotional connection and a vision for the future.
But, you might wonder how many dates until exclusivity. Approximately 39% of Americans believe it’s acceptable to discuss becoming exclusive after three months is acceptable, but the best time to ask if someone wants to be exclusive with you is whenever it feels right.
Hooking up is the epitome of “no strings attached.” It’s purely sexual and can include one-time encounters, one-night stands, or ongoing sexual activity. Hookup culture typically lacks elements of a romantic relationship (no feelings here), and relationship expectations are usually left out of the equation.
Casual dating can be exciting and fulfilling, but you need self-confidence and self-awareness to pull it off. To make the most of your casual dating journey, do some research and adopt healthy practices to help keep things respectful and fun.
Here are a few essential tips:
Taking responsibility for your sexual health is a casual relationship non-negotiable. Whether you have one or multiple partners, use barrier methods like condoms, female condoms, and dental dams for intercourse and oral sex, and get tested regularly for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you have an STI, be open about your status with new partners so they can make informed decisions.
In casual dating, misunderstandings can arise from mismatched expectations. Be upfront about what you're looking for, and move on if your goals don't align with someone else's. There are plenty more fish in the sea (and on dating apps).
Casual doesn't mean careless. Everyone's emotions and time are valuable, so stick to the golden rule: Always treat your partners with the same respect and consideration you prefer. This means being polite, being upfront about changes in feelings, needs, or wants, and not ghosting.
Casual dating can vary just as much as the stories on Quinn, your go-to audio erotica app.
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