It's time to get real for a second. 

Talking about sex, desire, and everything that goes along with intimacy isn't always as easy as it looks in erotic books and movies. 

Many people keep a lot under wraps without even recognizing it. Sometimes, people hide their sexual selves, and the reasons for this sexual repression are as varied and personal as a private Spotify playlist. 

If your inner vixen plays hide-and-seek more often than not, and you're worried you’re sexually repressed, it all starts with knowing where it comes from and why it happens.  

What is sexual repression? 

Sexual repression is the psychological act of burying your sexual desires, preventing yourself from feeling or experiencing natural urges. You may label those sexual desires as inappropriate, and many people experiencing sexual repression may consider sex as a whole wrong.  

Sexual repression is distinct from sexual frustration, which is a discrepancy between a person's desired and achieved sexual activity that causes irritation, anger, and stress. This is a natural response to an imbalance that many experience. While it manifests differently between people, sexual frustration can lead to anxiety, depression, and other adverse health effects.  

Another thing that sexual repression isn’t is asexuality. Asexuality is a natural variation of human sexuality characterized by little or no sexual desire. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and many people who identify as asexual still seek out and engage in romantic and emotional relationships. 

Sexual repression is a common experience that affects people across all gender identities, sexual orientations, and walks of life. Its roots can be deeply complex, stemming from psychological barriers, cultural taboos, and beyond.  

Symptoms of sexual repression  

Understanding your own sexuality requires honest attention to how you feel and think about sex. A healthy sex life, whether solo or partnered, requires self-awareness, and the signs that you're holding yourself back from fully embracing your sexual self aren't always crystal clear. 

Symptoms of sexual repression can hide in plain sight in your feelings and behaviors, masquerading as unrelated personal issues and stress. However, recognizing the signs of this condition is crucial, as the first step to overcoming sexual repression is identifying it. 

Here are some symptoms of sexual repression: 

• Low sexual desire: If the thought of sex rarely crosses your mind or you have trouble reaching orgasm, it could be more than just low libido. It might be a sign that you're uncomfortable with your sexual desires or engaging in sex with your partner. 

• Guilt related to sex: Feeling guilty about having sexual thoughts, engaging in sex, or watching porn is a prevalent symptom of sexual repression. In some cases, this guilt stems from internalized messages about what is sexually acceptable. 

• Inability to enjoy consensual sex: Experiencing the benefits of safe, consensual sex can be a struggle when you're sexually repressed. It may feel like a mental block preventing you from being fully in the moment. 

• Anxiety about sex: Feelings of anxiety, particularly around the topic of sex or intimate encounters, can occur in response to repressed sexuality. Anxiety about sex is linked to feelings of sexual shame and guilt. 

• Insomnia: Sleep problems such as insomnia may be linked to unresolved sexual tension. If you can't sleep or have frequent erotic dreams, your body could be trying to process these underlying issues. 

• Body avoidance: If looking at your own naked body is uncomfortable, you may be sexually repressed. While there are many other causes of body avoidance, if it coincides with other symptoms here, it may relate to repression. 

• Masturbation guilt: Masturbation is healthy, normal, and has many benefits. If you avoid it or feel bad when you engage in it, it's worth asking why. Guilt about masturbating is often taught and can be a clear indicator of sexual repression.  

What causes sexual repression?   

Several mindsets and experiences may contribute to experiencing sexual repression. It may surprise you just how much the programming you received as a child surrounding sex — such as in school and from your parents — impacts you as an adult.  

Here are a few common causes of sexual repression:

Cultural beliefs around sex 

Your early environment shapes your view of sex significantly. Families, communities, and cultural norms can impose expectations that make open sexual expression challenging, and some religious and moral codes include explicit rules about what is and isn't acceptable. You may have felt or feel pressure to conform, which may include suppressing certain sexual desires and activities.  

Parental education 

Our parents are our first teachers about life, including sex. Your parents' approach to or neglect of “the talk” has a lasting impact on your sexuality. If your parents treated sex as something to be ashamed of or avoided the discussion entirely, you may have developed a negative view of sex that shapes your adult sexual identity.  

Internal conflict 

Self-judgment and conflicting beliefs, such as personal sexual desires that clash with familial or societal expectations, can cause emotional distress. This internal conflict often stems from internalized shame and a fear of judgment. If you struggle to accept your sexual identity, this can cause sexual repression.  

Past trauma or negative experiences 

Having a traumatic experience like sexual assault can profoundly affect your sexual well-being. In some cases, sexual violence survivors subconsciously repress sexual desires as a defense mechanism against emotional pain. Trauma symptoms include intrusive thoughts, nightmares, irritability, and anger, and may require professional help.  

Misconceptions or absence of information 

When sex education is lacking or completely absent, misinformation can fill the void. This can lead to internalized misconceptions about sexuality and sexual health that go uncorrected. Without reliable and accurate knowledge, sexual thoughts and feelings can feel confusing and distressing, leading to sexual repression.  

Ingrained gender roles 

Gender-specific roles and expectations, particularly in childhood, can also contribute to sexual repression. Stereotypes about how men and women should and shouldn't behave sexually can inhibit the development of a healthy sexual self-image. The messaging of these gender roles can conflict with your authentic sexual needs and desires, causing sexual repression.   

How to overcome sexual repression   

Tackling sexual repression isn't a quick fix. It's a gradual journey requiring patience and self-compassion.  

Whether you're dealing with sexual repression on your own or within a relationship, approach the situation openly and honestly, without judgment. Keeping an open heart and mind can be transformative during this process, which is about nurturing a healthier relationship with sexuality over time.  

Here are several strategies for overcoming sexual repression: 

• Be mindful of your sexual thoughts: Practice mindfulness to better understand and accept your sexual thoughts. When you encounter a sexual thought, acknowledge it, remind yourself it's normal, and let it go. 

• Communicate with your partner: Open communication with a supportive partner or partners is instrumental in overcoming sexual repression. Express your feelings and discomfort as they arise, talk through them, and listen actively in return. Practice being in the moment during intimacy.

• Get in touch with a sex therapist: Professional help provides a structured approach to addressing sexual repression. Sex therapists are trained to navigate the complexities of sexual issues and offer personalized guidance for individuals and couples.

• Learn about your body: If sexual repression affects how you feel about your body, work to develop a more positive relationship with it. Spend time naked, look at your body in a mirror, and remind yourself which aspects of your body you appreciate. When you’re comfortable, explore touch and sensation to find out what feels good to you. 

• Educate yourself on sex positivity: Learn about sex positivity to start internalizing the idea that sex is a natural, fun, and healthy part of life. Take time to review online research, literature, and art exploring sexual expression in different forms.

• Acknowledge and address past traumas: If past trauma influences your perception of sex, consider professional help. Therapy can help you process past events and reduce their power over your current sexual well-being.

• Challenge restrictive beliefs: Unlearn harmful internalized beliefs about sex, gender roles, and sexuality. This might involve discussions with partners, friends, family, or others, introspection, or therapy. 

Explore your sexuality with Quinn  

Learning about your sexual needs, desires, and fantasies is key to overcoming sexual repression, and Quinn's here to help.

Quinn is the audio erotica app created by women for the world. As you learn about your sexuality, Quinn's broad range of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions will help you figure out what feels and sounds good to you in a safe, intimate, and ethical way. 

Download the Quinn app for iOS or Android today and enjoy authentic audio erotica from a broad range of creators.