Have you ever had a sexual dream that made you think about someone differently in the light of day? 

Getting taken from behind by your women’s studies professor, your sweaty palms against the blackboard your classmates look on. Your best friend’s hot dad tying your wrists and ankles to the bed posts and going down on you like his life depends on it. Or maybe you’ve been inspired by media — a double-penetration party in a porno or a same-sex scene in an erotic novel.

Sexual fantasies are common for people of all genders and sexualities. They can come from anywhere, like memories of past encounters or sources that have nothing to do with sex. Most fantasies are a healthy, normal part of the human experience — and bringing them to life can be a lot of fun.

What is a sexual fantasy?

Sexual fantasies are what happens when your brain dreams up an erotic image or scenario that arouses you or helps you orgasm during solo or partnered play. It could be something mild, like a tender interlude with Joe Alwyn. It could be a slightly spicier version of the sex you’re already having, like trying the ballet dancer position in the lavatory of a 747. Or it could be totally taboo, like waking up to find a masked burglar ravaging you in the middle of the night.

The 3 key types of sexual fantasies

Each of the scenarios mentioned above falls into one of three key fantasy types:

Romantic fantasies 

Some fantasies are more concerned with the emotional than the physical — love, not lust. Instead of erotic, sex-driven scenarios, the arousing image is something softer, like stolen glances, soft caresses, and focused foreplay that shows how much your imagined lover cares. It can still involve sex — but the foundation will be mostly emotional. 

Adventurous acts     

Some fantasies involve scenarios you’re intrigued by but haven’t yet had the opportunity (or courage) to explore. It could be something risky, like having sex in a public place, or something relatively safe but kinkier than what you’re used to — indulging in a threesome, for example, or pegging your partner for the first time.

Forbidden fantasies

Some fantasies are considered too taboo to talk about, like committing or being the victim of non-consensual sex. Don’t beat yourself up if forbidden sexual thoughts have crossed your mind; fantasies and desires are two different things.

Do women fantasize about sex?

The answer to this question might seem obvious — yes, of course! 

But as of 1995, decades of research on the topic had been “largely skewed to a male’s idea of what’s sexy,” said psychologist Harold Leitenberg. Determined to do his part to close the research gap, Dr. Leitenberg compiled a collection of more than 200 studies on sexual fantasies. 

For women, fantasies are often more romantic in nature than those experienced by men. While male subjects often fantasized about graphic sexual images and explicit, impersonal sex acts, women spent more time imagining the mood, environment, emotions, and non-genital touching associated with sex.

But that doesn’t mean female fantasies are any less kinky than men’s. According to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a prolific sex educator and researcher who studied the sexual fantasies of 4,000 Americans from diverse populations, BDSM and same-sex experiences make frequent appearances in the minds of women. 

5 common sexual fantasies

The details of a sex fantasy will vary widely from person to person. But here are some of the most common categories of fantasy.

1. Group sex

If you fantasize about getting frisky with more than one sex partner at a time, your fantasy falls into the group-sex category. Threesomes were the most popular imagined group-sex scenario in Dr. Lehmiller’s study.

2. BDSM

BDSM is an umbrella term for the kinks and fetishes that include bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. Within BDSM, Lehmiller found bondage to be the most popular fantasy among participants. Many people also enjoy imagining dominating or submitting to a partner. 

3. Novelty

Not surprisingly, another common fantasy category is novelty — fantasizing about trying new things. The most popular fantasies reported by Lehmiller’s subjects were having intercourse in new or unusual locations or experimenting with new sex positions.

4. Role-play

Sexual role-play involves two or more partners playing an erotic game of pretend, each adopting a persona as they work together to act out a pre-established sex scenario. It’s particularly easy to imagine you’re someone else when the story is only unfolding in your mind.

5. Gender-swapping

According to Lehmiller, men are more likely than women to imagine themselves in the body of the opposite sex, engaging in activities like dressing in drag. But women also fantasize about having penises or taking on a more masculine role than they might in real life.

Bridging the gap between fantasy and reality

For some people, having sexual fantasies isn’t much different from watching porn or consuming print or audio erotica — it helps them feel stimulated while remaining a work of fiction that never leaves the confines of their minds.

For others, fantasies can feel like dipping a toe into the waters of experimentation, eventually becoming alluring enough that the fantasy crosses the line into sexual desire. Abandon your sexual shame and test out your dreams. 

If you’re interested in trying out your sexual fantasies with a real-world partner, here are a few things to remember:

Experiment with toys and costumes

Did your partner finally agree to anal sex? Some good lube and a butt plug training kit will help ensure everyone has a good time. Playing the role of bad cop? A sexy uniform can help you look and feel the part. 

The world of vibrators, dildos, ropes, harnesses, and even sex furniture is vast and wonderful, so think ahead to ensure you have all the sex toys, tools, and other supplies you need to bring your fantasy to life. You might not find the perfect fit the first time, but patience and experimentation will bring you even more pleasure. 

Consent is key 

No matter how vanilla or taboo the fantasy is, engaging in it with a non-consenting partner is an act of assault. This is even true for acts like exhibitionism and voyeurism, which don’t require physical contact but involve watching or exposing the penis, vagina, or other private parts to innocent bystanders without their consent.

It’s especially important to get verbal consent when exploring fantasies that play with pain, control, and fear, such as BDSM or rape fantasies. Before you get started, give everyone involved the space to communicate their feelings and boundaries, and establish a safe word you and your partner can use to signal that things need to come to an immediate stop.

When in doubt, seek professional help

If you're conflicted about a particular fantasy or unsure how to enact it ethically, a therapist or sexologist could be an invaluable resource. These professionals provide a non-judgmental space to discuss and understand your desires, and they’ll help you identify and address fantasies that might be considered dangerous or unhealthy. 

Expand your fantasy world with Quinn

Fantasies and sexual experimentation are both part of a healthy sex life, and erotica is a great way to inspire new ideas. That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world. If you’re interested in sensory play, age play, or next-level foreplay, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.