From emojis and GIFs to video calls, cell phones have revolutionized the way we communicate with people who aren’t in the same room.

But they haven’t just changed the game for PG conversations. Whether flirting with a fling or getting intimate with a long-distance lover, sexting can bridge the distance between your bodies — all it takes is a little creativity.

Ready to make your screen time sizzle? Here’s how to start sexting like a pro.

What counts as sexting?

If you’re familiar with texting, it’s pretty easy to figure out what sexting is: sex + texting = sexting.

But if you’ve never sexted before, you might be a little unclear on what exactly qualifies as sexting — and just how many devices you can use to do it.

The first text message went out more than 30 years ago, and it’s hard to imagine the earliest texters didn’t engage in a little dirty talk via SMS. But sexting didn’t make the news until 2004, when David Beckham’s assistant leaked messages she claimed came from the soccer star (messages so scandalous the press had to censor them with asterisks).

Sexting graduated from slang to real-word status in 2012, when Merriam-Webster defined it as “the sending of sexually explicit messages or images by cell phone.” These days, all sorts of smart devices have messaging capabilities, so you could just as easily sext someone from the door of a fridge or the dashboard of a car.

Sexting is a form of cybersex, an umbrella term for any virtual sexual activity between two or more people, including phone sex, webcam sex, and even the use of sex toys that a partner can control remotely. But while sexting may have started with SMS, any secure messaging platform will do, including social media apps like Snapchat. And thanks to camera-equipped devices and an ever-evolving emoji library, sexting has become a lot more visually stimulating since its early days — and a lot more fun.

How to sext responsibly

We have some tips for what to say when sexting. But before hitting send on that steamy mirror selfie, there are a few rules you should know.

Rule #1: Always ask for consent

Not sure how to initiate sexting? The first message actually shouldn’t be sexual — start by communicating your intentions and asking for consent. You may think anyone would be thrilled to get your latest nude, but that’s not always the case. Receiving an unsolicited suggestive text can feel incredibly violating, regardless of the sender or sendee’s gender. And remember that you and your partner have the right to revoke consent at any time.

Rule #2: Be mindful of bystanders

You and your partner may have both consented to an ongoing sextual relationship. But sext messages are NSFW for a reason — they’re not safe for work or any other situation where non-consenting bystanders might accidentally catch a glimpse. If you know your sexting partner is at the office, on an airplane, or having dinner with their parents, save the sexts for later or wait for them to give you the all-clear.

Rule #3: Keep it to yourself

If someone sends you a sexy photo or video, assume it’s for your eyes only. It’s never acceptable to forward an intimate message or show it to a friend without the sender’s explicit consent. 

And remember that putting a password on your phone isn’t always enough to protect what’s on it. If you store photos and videos in the cloud, one smart hacker is all it takes to risk sharing private content with the world.

Rule #4: Protect your privacy

Your photos and videos deserve the same amount of care and respect that you show theirs. It’s likely OK to sext with someone you’re not in a long-term relationship with, but be careful what you send people who haven’t earned your trust. Consider concealing your face from content you wouldn’t want others to see.

You have one major advantage over the original sexters: a wealth of secure platforms to sext from. Snapchat offers the option to make messages disappear after a set amount of time and notifies you when someone takes a screenshot or screen records a conversation. And apps like Signal and Amorous use end-to-end encryption to protect both parties from accidental leaks.

Rule #5: Don’t judge 

No matter what body parts you and your sexting partners send each other, remember that sharing nude photos is an act of vulnerability and trust. Don’t make comments that might damage your partner’s body image or accept comments that damage yours. You deserve words that affirm your confidence in your body, and you should offer the same positivity to the people you sext with — and to yourself! 

Rule #6: Make sure all parties are 18+

Never send sexually explicit content to anyone under the age of 18, even if you’re a minor yourself. Depending on the laws in your jurisdiction, doing so could have extreme legal consequences, like child pornography charges that could land you on the sex offender registry. The prevalence of sexual behavior is much higher for underage sexters than for minors who don’t engage in sexting, and they’re more likely to become victims of online grooming or cyberbullying. This can cause sexual shame, create unsafe situations, and harm young people’s mental health. 

How to sext with the best of them

Now that we’ve gotten the rules out of the way, it’s time for the fun part. Whether you’re a first-time sexter or just looking to improve your skills, here are some tips for leaving your “pen” pals wanting more:

Use sexting as foreplay

When you and your partner have some in-person physical intimacy penciled in for later, sexting can be a great way to ramp up the anticipation with a bit of digital foreplay. Send a message referencing the last time you were together, or give them a preview of what you plan to do to them once you’re in the same room.  

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Spice up a long-distance relationship

Even if your partner lives in Florida and you’re across the world in Australia, physical distance doesn’t have to be a reason to break up. Set up virtual dates where you share sexy pics and narrate what’s happening in your imagination. And if you really want to try something new, smart sex toys like app-controlled vibrators allow your long-distance partner to stimulate you from afar.

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Tap into your fantasies

Sext messages are a great place to talk about the things you’re curious to try. If you’re reading an erotic novel that describes an intriguing new sex position, share the passage with your partner so you can both envision how it would look and feel. If you’re interested in exploring something like light bondage, role play, or pegging, try your hand at some erotic writing of your own as you describe what it would be like to live out your sexual dreams together.

Engage in wordplay

When you’re in the right mood, puns and euphemisms can turn even the most mundane things into sexy thoughts. If they text you that they’re at the gas station fueling up their car, telling them you wish they were there to fill your tank will make them look at the nozzle in a whole new way.

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More ideas for enhancing your digital sex life

Sexting is a partnered activity, but it’s not the only way to use your phone for fun. Masturbation has many benefits for your physical, emotional, and sexual health, even if you don’t have someone special to sext with.

We made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world, to bring sexy sounds, engaging erotic stories, and body-positive affirmations to anyone looking for an alternative to traditional porn. To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.