In the nearly 20 years since the World Economic Forum began benchmarking the planet’s progress toward sexual equality, many countries have taken steps to close the global gender gap. But if progress continues at the current rate, it will take more than 150 years to achieve gender parity in categories like political empowerment and economic opportunity.

Discouraged? We have good news! There’s one gender gap people assigned female at birth (AFAB) don’t have to rely on governments and industries to close: the orgasm gap.

What is the orgasm gap?

Many researchers define the orgasm gap as the dramatic difference in orgasm frequency that separates cisgender, heterosexual (cishet) men and women. Women who have sex with men experience fewer orgasms than their cishet male counterparts — in one university study, a staggering 52 percentage points separated the male college students who always or usually orgasm during sex (91%) from female students (39%).

The definition gets a bit murkier when you account for gender identity. Many trans men and non-binary or gender-fluid AFAB people whose partners were assigned male at birth (AMAB), including trans women, also suffer from orgasm inequality. So here’s a more accurate definition: The orgasm gap is the disparity in orgasm frequency between AFAB people and their AMAB sexual partners.

For the sake of clarity, the rest of this article will refer to AFAB people as women and AMAB people as men. But for those of you born with female genitalia who identify as trans, non-binary, or gender-fluid, we see you, and we hope the information we’re about to share is as valuable to you as it is to your cis sisters.  

Nature or nurture? The theories behind the orgasm gap

It’s easy to attribute the orgasm gap to the complexities of the female anatomy. The clitoris is much smaller than the penis, after all, and scientists can’t even agree that the G-spot exists — never mind telling you where to find it.

But Dr. Laurie Mintz, the psychologist who coined the phrase “orgasm gap,” doesn’t think the “elusive female orgasm” theory holds much water. And like any good researcher, Dr. Mintz has an arsenal of empirical evidence to explain her doubts.

Case in point: 95% of women in one landmark study said they climax quickly and easily when they masturbate. Another study revealed that lesbians orgasmed during sex 13.1% more often than their heterosexual peers.

These statistics support Dr. Mintz’s claim that biology isn’t to blame for the orgasm gap. But if the vulva’s tricky-to-navigate topography doesn’t explain the disparity, what does?

Ignoring the clitoris

The performers in traditional porn make it seem like penetration is the primary source of women’s pleasure. Your female partner isn’t feeling it? Just thrust harder!

If you have a vagina, you’re probably well aware that most of the female orgasms portrayed in male-centered porn aren’t real. While male orgasms are harder to fake, a little moaning or screaming is often all it takes to convince a man focused on his own pleasure that he’s giving you the best sex of your life — and research suggests nearly half of women have faked it at least once. 

We’re not suggesting that penetrative sex doesn’t feel good for people with vaginas. And if you’re part of the 18% of women who experience vaginal orgasms through penetration (whether that’s a penis, a dildo, or another sex toy of your choosing), more power to you.

But if you rarely or never orgasm during foreplay, oral, or intercourse, there’s a good chance you’re not getting the clitoral stimulation you need. The clitoris is a woman’s most sensitive erogenous zone, and sexual pleasure is its only purpose. Men who ignore this beautiful body part or fail to understand its complex anatomy play a big role in perpetuating the problem of the orgasm gap.

Ignoring women’s sexual health

There’s another aspect of the gender gap at play: the research gap. Until 1993, American researchers were free to exclude women and minorities from clinical studies, and exclude them they did — 90% of women experience PMS, a figure that dwarfs the 19% of men who struggle with erectile dysfunction (ED). Yet there’s been five times more research into understanding and treating men’s ED.

Here’s another tidbit we believe factors into the orgasm gap: Much of the research into female sexual health refers to it as “reproductive health,” reducing women’s bodies to baby-making machines and ignoring the many physical and psychological benefits women experience when they have a healthy sex life.

The shame game

Think about the cultural differences in how society treats men and women with regard to sex. If you’re a man with a high “body count,” you deserve a pat on the back. But for women who have had more than a few sexual partners, you’re “loose.” Men can boast about indulging in a one-night stand, but their female partners take a “walk of shame.”

Women also experience more societal pressure to have the so-called perfect body, the mythical female figure that’s perfectly proportioned and free from cellulite. It’s a physical ideal that the carefully curated, heavily filtered images of models and influencers on social media make harder than ever to shake. And if you’re one of the many women who struggle with body image issues, embracing the beauty of your naked body in the bedroom can feel next to impossible — one more barrier to orgasming during intercourse. 

Closing the gap, one orgasm at a time 

The problems behind the orgasm gap are systemic — they’re too big for any one person to fix alone. But we promised you wouldn’t have to rely on institutions to solve them, so we’re here with some tips for doing your part to start closing the gap.

Find alternatives to mainstream porn

Conventional porn may be part of the problem, but that doesn’t mean all porn is off the table. Ethical porn prioritizes everyone’s pleasure, not just men’s, and it’s more likely to feature realistic (and healthy!) portrayals of sex between people of all different races, genders, and sexualities. 

Erotic literature and audio erotica are also great ways to get in the mood without perpetuating the myth that longer, harder penetration is the only way to sexually please a woman. Consuming this type of content can help you and your partner discover stimulating sex positions and new techniques for targeting the clitoris and other erogenous zones.

Love your body

Self-love is a practice, not something that happens overnight. But if you struggle with poor self-esteem or body image issues, learning how to love your body may enable you to fully let go during partnered sex. Try guided masturbation if you need help exploring your body without shame, and work body-positive affirmations into your daily routine. 

For some people, practicing mindfulness is all it takes to change perspectives. For others, a more realistic goal is body neutrality, which focuses on appreciating what the body can do instead of how it looks. If you think you’ll have a hard time achieving body neutrality or self-love on your own, or if you’re burdened by too much sexual shame to manage alone, it might be worth enlisting the help of a sex therapist or other mental health professional. 

Give yourself a hand

Having a sex partner who understands the female anatomy will go a long way toward helping you orgasm. But the power is in your hands — literally. Try using your fingers or a vibrator during intercourse or oral sex to stimulate yourself. If it makes your partner feel insecure about their performance, remind them that most women can’t come from penetration alone. Their worries will wash away when he sees what a real orgasm looks like.

And if you aren’t sure how you best orgasm, spend more time getting to know yourself. You won’t know what to ask your partner for if you don’t know what you want. One of the many benefits of masturbation is learning about your own pleasure preferences — which you can share with your partner(s).  

Your partner in pleasure

The world has neglected women’s sexual needs for far too long. That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for people of every gender and sexuality. Whether you’re looking for solo stimulation or erotica for couples, the wide range of content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.