Prostate orgasms are real, and they're amazing.

An underdog of the anal play experience, there's a good chance you know someone who enjoys prostate massage — or you maybe even enjoy it yourself. 

Thankfully, society's catching up to all the pleasure the back door holds. If you're assigned male at birth (AMAB) or want to help a partner with a prostate experience a new kind of orgasm, learn how to use a prostate massager. 

About prostate massage 

Let’s get this out of the way: Liking butt play doesn’t make you gay. Prostate massage is exciting to explore, no matter how you identify or who you like to experiment with. 

Massaging the prostate is a great way to reach that special spot and experience pleasure in a lesser-known way. And it’s exactly what it sounds like: the practice of touching, pressing on, or otherwise massaging the prostate.

While it's often discussed behind closed doors due to sexual shame, this kind anal stimulation can lead leads to what many consider the "VIP" of orgasms: the prostate orgasm. For some people, it feels more intense and full-body than a regular climax, which may or may not be accompanied by ejaculation. This is because the prostate gland, also called the "P-spot," is a hotspot of nerve endings that produces incredible waves of pleasure when you stimulate it correctly. An essential part of the AMAB reproductive system, finding the prostate is like discovering a secret fun button.

Prostate massage is sometimes called prostate “milking.” Milking just refers to the firm, repetitive motions you might use to stimulate the area. A body part or toy rubs, taps, or otherwise stimulates the prostate, which feels like a walnut inside the rectum. It has two lobes, and stimulating both can be key to pleasure. 

If you're thinking about adding prostate massage to your sexual repertoire, it’s totally worth a try. And while prostate orgasms are achievable using fingers or a partner’s penis, prostate massagers are designed to hit just the right places.

What is a prostate massager? 

A prostate massager is a sex toy specially designed for hitting the P-spot, or prostate gland. It’s usually shaped like a dildo, but a bit smaller and with a wider base to make sure it’s anal-safe. If you're in the market for this type of device, consider factors like size, material, and shape when researching. Other features include vibration and sometimes even thrusting.

If you’re looking for a great starter massager, the Aneros Helix Syn Trident covers the basics. For a step up, try the LELO Hugo, which even has a remote control to give your partner the reins. Online sex shops like Lovehoney, Bellesa Boutique, and Adam & Eve have full sections with fantastic options. 

How to use a prostate massager: 9 steps

Once a sexual taboo, prostate massage is stepping into the limelight. And, as a huge source of sexual pleasure for people with prostates, using a massager can make exploring this area of the body easier and more pleasurable. 

To get the most out of your toy, follow these steps alone or with a partner: 

1. Choose a prostate massager

Picking an appropriate toy is vital, especially for beginners. Do your research and purchase a prostate massager that suits your needs in terms of size and material. And before playing, read the prostate massager's instructional manual so you use the sex toy correctly. 

If you're just starting out, opt for smooth, soft silicone toys that aren't too wide or long. Always choose a toy with a flared base to prevent losing it inside your body. 

2. Prepare properly 

Set up before diving in. Clean your prostate massager with a toy cleaner or mild soap and water, then rinse and dry it. Prepare your body by cleaning the area (yes, inside and out) and taking a warm shower. It’s a good idea to lay a towel or blanket down in your play area and set up your clean-up materials within easy reach after the session. 

3. Relax and find the correct position 

Whether you’re with a partner or on your own, relaxation is essential to a pleasurable prostate massage experience. Find a comfortable and private space and lay on your back with your knees bent, or your side with one leg bent. You can also lay on your stomach or try kneeling on all fours. These positions offer easy access to the anus and make inserting the prostate massager easier. 

4. Get warmed up

Like all sex, a little foreplay is the best place to start. Getting turned on helps your sexual bits relax and become more sensitive, including the prostate, making it easier to find and more receptive to stimulation. If you’re with a partner, use this time to talk about what you both want to get from the experience.

5. Use lots (and lots) of lube 

The anus doesn't self-lubricate, so using high-quality lube for prostate massage is extra important. When you’re ready, apply a generous amount of lube to the prostate massager and the entrance of your anus. This makes insertion much smoother, especially if you're new to this type of play.

6. Start with external vibrations 

Use the tip of the messenger to gently explore the outside of your anus to find what feels good and help you continue to relax. Start with some rimming or gentle fingering, and if your massager vibrates, turn it to a soft setting. Take your time with this step. If you’re not ready for insertion, don’t force it. 

7. Gently insert the massager 

Once you're relaxed and well-lubricated, gently insert the prostate massager into the anus. Move very slowly and ensure the massager's curve points up toward your belly button because that’s where the prostate is. If there’s pain or discomfort, remove the toy slowly, and communicate with your partner about how you’re feeling.

8. Try different motions 

Wondering how to have a prostate orgasm? Experiment with different types of stimulation to see what feels good for your body. Everyone is unique, and when it comes to prostate stimulation and orgasm, there's no right or wrong answer. 

Try different angles, depths, and motions with your prostate massager to see what feels best, and what may lead to ejaculation or orgasm. Remember to take it slow and listen to your body. You might not reach the finish line your first time, and that’s okay — it’s about the journey.

9. Clean up

Carefully remove the prostate massager when you feel satisfied. Clean the toy thoroughly with a designated cleaner or mild soap and water, and store it away for next time. Clean your anus, rectum, and surrounding areas in the shower to remove excess lube.

If you were playing with a partner, it’s time to debrief. Talk about the experience: what you liked, didn’t like, and are looking forward to for next time. Consent doesn’t stop when you put your clothes back on, and a little aftercare goes a long way.

4 prostate massage tips for beginners

Exploring prostate massage might seem intimidating, even if it's a longstanding fantasy. If you're a newcomer to anal play, these tips will help ensure a smooth ride: 

1. Start with a finger 

Try penetrating your rectum with your or your partner's well-lubricated finger before trying a sex toy or having anal sex. This step lets you feel out the area and get accustomed to how penetration feels before moving onto a larger circumference. Using a finger at first can also help you locate your prostate.

2. Use your breath 

Deep, rhythmic breathing, similar to erotic meditation, can be a game-changer for prostate massage. It helps you relax, which makes it easier to insert a finger or prostate massager. Think of your breath as a tool to synchronize your body and mind. 

3. Find the right massager for you 

Prostate massagers aren't one-size-fits-all, and so many are on the market that you don't need to settle. Explore various models, read user reviews, and consider starting with a smaller prostate massager for beginners. Venture into more advanced toys as you learn more about your body and what makes you tick. 

4. Explore other types of stimulation 

Prostate massage feels fantastic on its own, but don't limit yourself to one type of touch. Combine prostate massage with penis, perineum, or nipple play for added pleasure. 

Explore prostate massage with Quinn 

No matter where you are in your sexual journey, listening to audio erotica can inspire you to try new things — and more importantly, turn you on. 

Quinn offers a broad range of ethical sexual content to listen to alone or with a partner to help you explore anal play and get there easier. A women-run audio erotica app, Quinn has audio erotica for everyone, including thousands of audio stories, playlists, and guided masturbation sessions. Download the app for iOS or Android today.