There's no tried-and-true guide to getting over a relationship — no matter what the rom-coms tell you. 

Losing someone, whether it's serious or just casual dating, can be emotionally overwhelming, socially devastating, and full of frustrating admin tasks like making your own Netflix account. And once you process the initial shock of a relationship ending, you might wonder how to get over a breakup once and for all. 

Coping with a breakup starts with, shocker, feeling your feels. As difficult as it can be to grieve, processing your emotions sheds some light on the end of the heartbreak tunnel so you can get back to living your best life ASAP. 

Why is it hard to move on?  

When you’re trying to learn how to get over someone, it helps to know why you're so heartbroken.  

Processing a breakup is difficult because humans are wired to experience relationships' intense emotional highs and lows. Falling in love feels magical, and breaking up, whether it's a divorce or being ghosted by a new fling, can make you feel like you'll never be okay again. 

This experience isn't just metaphorical heartache — it's a physical and emotional reality. The brain even has a section for feelings of panic, grief, and sadness called the pain/grief/sadness system. Losing a significant relationship triggers this system, leading to intense withdrawal symptoms like rumination, lack of enthusiasm, and literal heartache that feels like physical pain.  

These intense post-breakup emotions frankly suck, but they demonstrate your capacity for deep connection with others. And that’s a good thing. Struggling to move on is a natural response, and you can’t feel the magic of love without the occasional pain of heartache. 

The stages of relationship grief 

If you're going through a breakup, you might feel like you're grieving, and that's because you are. While it's not exactly the same as losing someone due to death, experiencing a romantic breakup can cause the same kinds of feelings as grief.  

Breaking relationship grief down into steps or stages can help you understand where you’re at in the process. Just remember: Grief isn't linear. Everyone handles painful emotions in their own way, and jumping back and forth between stages is normal. 

These stages are based on psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's grief cycle model: 

• Denial: You might not even believe it's over. Like, "This can't be happening."

• Anger: You get mad at your ex, yourself, the universe, or something or someone else.

• Bargaining: You start thinking things like, "Maybe if I communicate more effectively, we can get back together," or "Maybe if we take some space in the relationship, it won't be so toxic anymore."

• Depression: It hits you, and you feel sad. This can be really, profoundly sad, or just a little bit sad. Anything goes.  

• Acceptance: You accept the relationship is over and start to move on. 

How long does it take to get over a breakup? 

There's no stopwatch on healing from heartbreak. Learning how to move on after a breakup is different for everyone, so take all the time you need to grieve. That said, a couple of things can significantly affect the healing process.  

First, did you see the breakup coming? If your relationship ending was a huge surprise, it might take a while to process, but if you saw it coming a mile away, you might have already started dealing with those difficult emotions. 

Second, how big a deal was the relationship? If the relationship was over a year long, or your life was intertwined with your exes, it might take you longer to find closure. According to The Journal of Positive Psychology, couples who lived together and planned to get married experienced a more significant decline in life satisfaction following a breakup than couples who didn’t.  

While there’s no way to calculate how long your healing process will be, numerous studies have looked into it. A 2021 language-focused study of Reddit posts found that a six-month time frame was average. But whether you're back on your feet after six months or not, there's no right or wrong timeline — we promise.

10 best ways to get over a breakup  

Once you reach the final stage of the relationship grief cycle, you can work on letting go. But that takes time — and effort. While you’re processing, try these tips:  

1. Feel your feelings  

This tip is about embracing your emotions. Cry your eyes out, scream into a pillow, or excessively nap — anything you need to do to mourn. Let the emotional steam out in ways that feel healthy to you so you don't boil over. 

2. Find your zen 

Yoga, journaling, and mindfulness aren't just for wellness gurus on Instagram. Expressing your thoughts through writing can help you sort through your feelings, and yoga and meditation are excellent for finding clarity, slowing down, and centering yourself. These activities are low-cost (especially if you use free YouTube videos) and give your brain a break from the chaos. 

3. Remember the rough stuff  

It’s easy to slip into rose-colored glasses mode after a breakup. To counteract this, remember why it didn't work out and reflect on the challenges and issues you faced with your ex. This gives you a more balanced view of the relationship — and reminds you why you’re better off. 

4. Get moving 

Exercise is a fantastic mood lifter, helping reduce feelings of anxiety and depression. It releases feel-good hormones called endorphins and boosts self-esteem at the same time. Whether it's a run, walk, or dance class, moving your body is an excellent way to clear your head and feel better.  

5. Prioritize self-care 

Now that your relationship is over, you can take the time to truly focus on yourself. Eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, and consider speaking to a therapist if you're still struggling to move on. You deserve to give yourself all the attention you need (no partner required).

6. Don't talk to your ex  

In some (cough, most) cases, avoiding your ex is the only way to move on. It’s hard to heal and move forward if you're still texting or checking up on their socials, especially if things ended badly. Think of cutting off communication as giving yourself a fresh start. 

7. Practice self-compassion  

Treat yourself like you would a close friend going through a breakup. You wouldn’t judge them for being sad, so don’t judge yourself. It's okay to have bad days and experience ups and downs.  

8. Keep in touch with your squad  

Never underestimate the power of a solid support system during a breakup. Reach out to and rely on friends and family for company, honest advice, and fun. Sometimes, just talking about what you're going through with someone outside of the situation can be incredibly empowering and relieving. 

9. Beware of negative habits 

Avoid unhelpful, unhealthy behaviors after a breakup — like obsessively checking your ex's social media or overanalyzing past conversations. If you're prone to falling into bad habits, recognize and work to break them without shaming yourself. You're only human, but scrolling through old pictures isn’t moving you forward.  

10. Rediscover your hobbies 

Take time to pick up a new hobby or return to what you love. These activities make great distractions, and they can also help you rebuild and strengthen your sense of self. Putting all your energy into a new relationship might feel good if you're a serial monogamist, but taking a hiatus to do you is worthwhile.

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Giving yourself time to heal after a relationship doesn't have to mean passing on intimacy.  

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