It doesn’t matter how old you are or how many relationships you have under your belt. Playing the dating game is intimidating for boys, girls, and people of every gender and sexuality.

We can’t promise this list of dating rules will help you land the lover of your dreams. But whether you’re on your way to your very first movie date or a 30-something ready to rebound from a breakup, understanding the expectations and etiquette of dating in the 21st century will set you up for success.

1. Trust your gut

Intuition is a valuable protective mechanism, alerting you to red flags and potential dangers even if everything seems fine on the surface. It helps you discern genuine emotional compatibility so you don’t settle for less. And it also gauges the authenticity of your date, helping you differentiate between genuine intentions and pretense. 

Think of your gut as a built-in compass that guides you toward a healthy relationship. If something feels off, it probably is. Listening to your internal cues will help you navigate the complex world of dating more safely and effectively to ensure your emotional and physical well-being remain intact. 

2. Don’t be afraid to say no

This dating tip ties in with rule #1: You should never feel obligated to say yes to people or situations that make you uncomfortable. That might mean declining an offer for a date with someone you aren’t as excited about as you thought you were. Or it might mean calling it a night when someone tries to pressure you into sex, or even just a kiss. The only thing you owe someone who buys you drinks or dinner is a polite thank-you.

3. Figure out what you’re looking for

Do you fantasize about finding an old-fashioned guy who believes chivalry isn’t dead? Looking for an intimate relationship that won’t conflict with your busy career? Do you dream of marriage and becoming a parent, or are you committed to keeping your love life casual?

There’s no right or wrong answer to any of these questions. But it’s important to identify what you want to get out of a romance so you can have honest conversations about your expectations before you’re in too deep. And if you’re really unsure, you could figure out what you’re definitely not looking for first, whether you’re anti-fling or aren’t ready for a serious relationship.

4. Don’t be afraid of dating apps

A memorable meet-cute makes for a charming anecdote when people ask, “How did you two meet?” But don’t let your dream of an organic connection prevent you from using online dating to find potential partners. Dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder will widen your pool of prospects. And if you often feel awkward when flirting in person, you might have a much better experience starting the conversation in writing.

Before jumping in, look for the dating app that best aligns with your goals, like HER for lesbian, bi, and queer dating or Feeld for people interested in ethical non-monogamy and kink. Just be sure to prioritize platforms that take user privacy and safety seriously.

5. Be mindful of first-date etiquette

Safety should always be top of mind, but it’s especially crucial when spending time with someone who hasn’t yet earned your trust — and for women, this dating rule is especially important. Have your first date in a neutral, public place, like a museum, coffee shop, or restaurant before inviting someone over or visiting their place. Isolating yourself somewhere unfamiliar, or letting a stranger into your home, can be dangerous.

Some first-date guides also advise against bringing up polarizing topics at your first meeting. But if things like religion or politics are potential dealbreakers, don’t be afraid to let your date know where you stand. We do, however, recommend against talking about your ex on a first date unless the topic comes up organically. Droning on about past loves or “crazy exes” is a red flag.

6. Don’t overwhelm them with texts

Sexual compatibility isn’t the only thing to look for in a prospective partner. While texting has made it much easier for both short- and long-distance partners to stay connected, you’ll get along best with someone whose communication style vibes with yours. If you love to send constant memes throughout the day, find someone who appreciates that. If you prefer phone calls, find someone who’s comfortable with real-time chats.

That said, if you’re a frequent texter, take care not to overwhelm your connections with multiple texts back to back. Some people advise against the “double text” — sending two messages in quick succession without waiting for a response. But as with most good things, we prefer an “everything in moderation” approach. If you get the sense that your texting partner is pulling back, give them some space and let them pick the chat back up when they’re ready.

7. Be present, and live in the present

If you click with the person you’re exploring a relationship with, your first several encounters should be about having fun and getting to know each other. Keep your phone on silent and out of sight so you can give them your full attention. Making a point to stay present will do great things for your romantic relationships — and for your mental health.

But being present isn’t just about freeing yourself from distractions. It also means not getting too far ahead of yourself. It’s okay to communicate about your hopes for the future, but give the relationship time to develop before throwing around “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” labels like or including a new partner in your long-term plans. You don’t want to accidentally scare away a good egg or set yourself up for disappointment if things don’t work out.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for more than sex

Old-fashioned rules about sex and dating don’t apply in the modern age (for example, men don’t always have to pay now that women can have jobs). But that doesn’t mean you have to agree to sleep with someone on a first date — or second, or third, or fourth. Even if you met on a so-called “hookup” app like Tinder, you make your own rules about sex. If that means waiting until you’re in a committed relationship, stick to your guns and end things if they don’t respect your boundaries. The right person will commit and respect your needs.

9. Try to handle rejection with grace

Not every date or relationship will work out. Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of a rejection, approach the situation with grace, understanding, and maturity. If you’re not interested in pursuing things, communicate that information instead of ghosting. And if it’s you who’s getting ghosted, don’t chase after them for an answer — there’s someone better out there who will show you the respect you deserve.

Inspiration for the dating game

Not sure what you’re looking for sexually or romantically? Try Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world. It won’t tell you how to date, but it will help you explore what you like. The wide range of audio erotica on Quinn is a great source of inspiration, whether you’re into soft romance or something rough.

To access thousands of audio stories, body-positive affirmations, and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.