Conversations about the birds and the bees sometimes begin something like this: “When a man and a woman love each other very much…”

But it’s the 21st century. You don’t have to be in love (or even in a monogamous relationship) to be sexually active. And your gender doesn’t dictate who you can and can’t go to bed with. If you keep consent and safety top of mind, casual sex can be incredibly empowering — and a whole lot of fun.

What qualifies as casual sex?

What casual sex is can vary from person to person. It could describe a prolonged sexual relationship with a friend with benefits (FWB), someone you sleep with regularly with no strings attached. It might mean having sex with a random stranger you met at a bar or hooking up with matches from dating apps once, then never again. It could even include sex with a casual dating partner who you’re interested in but not currently in love with.

It’s easier to define casual sex by what it’s not: intimate sexual activity between committed partners, whether they’re exclusive or open, monogamous or polyamorous. Sex generally stops feeling casual for one or both people once emotions and expectations come into play. 

The pros and cons of casual sex

Not sure casual sex is for you? Here are some of the potential benefits and drawbacks.

Pros

Endorphins feel amazing

Orgasms release endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. This biochemical cocktail can lead to a temporary state of euphoria, making sex of any type — including casual — both emotionally and physically pleasurable.

You can explore your sexuality

Casual hookups can be a playground for exploring your sexuality. Whether it’s trying new positions (car sex, anyone?!), experimenting with kinks, or figuring out where you fit on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, a casual encounter can help you better understand your sexual self.

Your self-esteem might skyrocket

Many people find that casual sex is a confidence booster. Feeling wanted is validating, but you’ll also feel empowered when you realize you’re there to fulfill your needs, not to find true love.

You’ll indulge in intimacy

Physical intimacy is the name of the game with casual sex. But it’s not all about orgasms — it can also fulfill your emotional needs, even if it’s just a one-night stand.

You may find a genuine love interest

Is finding a long-term partner the goal of casual sex? Not usually. But can casual sex lead to a relationship? Absolutely! Many long-term relationships start with a spark that seems like just a hookup but evolves into something far more meaningful.

Cons

You might be disappointed

Just because you found a hot partner to hook up with doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed a mind-blowing orgasm. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there, leaving you wishing you’d spent the night binge-watching your favorite series instead.

Hookups can lead to heartbreak

You can go into a hookup with the best intentions and still wind up catching feelings. That’s not always a bad thing, but things can get messy when one casual partner gets emotionally attached and the other isn’t on the same page.

You may regret it the next day

Even if the sex is great, you might experience post-hookup regret. It can happen for all kinds of reasons, like sleeping with someone who doesn’t make time for sexual aftercare, worrying about STIs or pregnancy, or allowing sexual shame to creep in. 

How to have a good casual sex experience

Thinking about shooting your shot? Here’s how to do it right.

1. Discuss boundaries

Think about the boundaries you need to set and how to talk about them so you can avoid awkwardness. Is using protection like condoms a must? (It should be!) Are certain sexual activities off-limits? Be ready to talk about all of it.

2. Be honest about your feelings

Be upfront about where you stand emotionally. If you’re emotionally unavailable or opposed to things developing into a romantic relationship, make your intentions clear to avoid miscommunications and hurt feelings.

3. Prioritize your sexual health

Sex is fun, but it can have some serious consequences. Get screened for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and don’t be afraid to expect the same from your partners. Practicing safe sex can keep you from contracting an STI, but remember that “sex” doesn’t just mean intercourse — it includes oral, anal, and any other activity involving the genitals. Casual sex is healthy as long as you take the proper precautions every time.

4. Choose partners with care

Casual sex often happens between two people who don’t know each other well — if at all. It’s OK to hook up with someone you met on a dating app, but we recommend meeting for the first time in a public place so you can get a feel for the person you’re about to be vulnerable with. If your gut says they might hurt you, whether it’s emotionally or physically, it’s not worth the risk. And guard your privacy, especially with things like sexting. Remember that trust takes time to build.

5. Consider the long-term implications

Think about how casual sex fits into your life. Are you OK with non-monogamy, or do you see yourself in a monogamous romantic relationship in the future? Align your actions with your long-term goals.

6. Consent is key

Whether you met your potential partner on a hookup app like Grindr or in the produce section at the grocery store, every physical activity should be consensual — even kissing. That doesn’t mean you have to get a verbal go-ahead before moving in for a kiss, but take note of your partner’s body language and ask how they’re feeling if you’re not sure. And remember that either party can revoke consent at any time.

Navigating hookup culture

Casual hookups are nothing new, but online dating has completely changed the game. Here’s what to keep in mind if you’re wondering how to hook up in the “swipe right” age.

All about that app

Some dating apps have a reputation for being made for casual sex — we’re looking at you, Grindr and Tinder. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find love as a Grindr or Tinder user or that everyone on Hinge or Bumble is looking for something serious. Just be clear about your intentions in your dating app profile, whether it’s a one-night stand or an ongoing casual relationship.

Balancing fun and responsibility

Remember that regret we mentioned? You can help avoid it by making smart, responsible decisions for both you and your partners. Use condoms and meet in public to help protect your physical safety, and treat the emotions of both parties with care. And be sure to respect your partner’s privacy — what happens between you is the business of you and your partner alone.

Get inspired with audio erotica

Spicing up your sex life doesn’t always require a partner — ethical porn can inspire sexual fantasies and help you fulfill your own needs. That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world. If you’re interested in dirty talk, strangers to lovers stories, or sensory play, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.